Promised Land
by tertiaryfriend
Summary: Since being found by her friends with no memory and 4 months pregnant, Bella has moved forward with no intention of facing the past. Five years pass before fate reunites her with the father of her child. As the past weaves its way into her life, will she remember the time she lost or be pulled back under by a past never meant to be uncovered.
1. Chapter 1: Welcoming Chaos

**Disclaimer:** Twilight characters and situations belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator.

I watched the brake lights of the limousine fade into the distance before reality demanded that I shove the panties into my handbag and face my family. The doorman looked unsure of himself when I turned to study my building so I waved him away. It should have made me feel better to be here. This was my world, inside the bubble where nothing could get in, not even Edward Cullen. I looked up at the lighted glass windows that I usually found so warm and welcoming and instead felt exposed. I took a few deep breathes to calm myself before walking in. There wasn't enough air to fill the hollow space. I reminded myself that I couldn't have a break down, not now… not in the street with my son waiting to be tucked in upstairs.

I could not understand this power he had over me. I could say that I had no self control but the fact was, I hadn't even attempted to control myself where he was concerned. My body moving with his was new and familiar all at once. No man had ever captured my senses the way he had. I wanted him. I thought of all of the nice men who had tried to get my attention; the few like Jake who deserved my love even though I was unable to return it the way they wanted. I was the model of control where they were concerned. Instead, I let myself become Edward's plaything whenever the opportunity arose. It made me feel filthy and cheap.

I could claim that I wasn't that girl anymore. The shy, weak girl who was at the mercy of another person's whims. The one who followed a stranger into the dark and emerged months later with no memory and a baby on the way. I could claim that I wasn't that girl but it was all a lie if I continued to behave like her.

I held my head up and walked through the door. The new guy at the front desk nodded as I passed; I chanced a slight grin and waved as I hurried toward the elevator. It felt as if I was running from something, adrenaline rushed through my veins and my heart rate increased. The space felt too small as the elevator inched toward my floor.

_Claustrophobic…_

My breath came faster and my eyes stung. As soon as the door opened, I found myself running down the hall. I fumbled with the key and opened the door to see Alice calmly flipping through a magazine and Rose trying to match CDs from the night's Karaoke session to their cases.

"You really should convert to digital Bella. It would make cleaning up a helluva lot easier." She continued flipping cases.

"Where's Tristan?" _Do I sound the same?_

"He went to bed about half an hour ago. Rose wore him out with all the dancing." Alice looked up with a smile but stopped short when she actually saw me.

"Rose."

They both stood at the same time and wore the same concerned looks. A part of me wanted to fall apart in their arms and confess what I knew… what I had done. They wouldn't judge me, they never had. The only issue was how far I would fall if I let myself. Would I go so far that I wouldn't resurface for months? I couldn't allow that, not now.

I raised my hands, "Just wait. I need to change and then we'll talk."

I didn't wait for their dismissal as I stumbled to my bathroom and locked the door. I turned the shower on and began to strip when my breathing started hitching. I stepped under the spray hoping the warm water would relax me. This didn't happen, it couldn't. The questions came and went through my mind so quickly that I couldn't catch any of them and I wondered if this was what it felt like to be crazy. When would I come back? My legs refused to hold me up and I slid down on the tiles. I hugged my knees as the water pelted my body. I squeezed my eyes shut as an anemic wail escaped my lips.

For the first time since my son had been born almost five years ago, I was crying. My tears finally subsided when I realized the water has become cold enough to hurt. I pulled the curtain back and reached for a towel. I tried to pretend that everything was normal as I squeezed the water out of my hair.

This episode was further proof that being around Edward was not good for me and could not be good for my son. I tried to shift back into my former state of ignorance. It would be easier that way. I could just tell my son that I didn't know his father or make up a beautiful story about young love that ended in tragedy; that his father died before he was born. Other children lived with similar stories, Tristan would be fine. But I knew. I knew who his father was and I knew that he would never want anything to do with him. He was a man who turned everything into a game in order to get what he wanted.

And Edward knew. He knew he had a son and even if that meant nothing to him now, that could change. What would Tristan think of me if Edward came to him years from now? If Edward changed, would they blame me for keeping them apart? Tristan could hate me for that.

He also knew everything about our time together, the things I had no memory of. I could finally find out the truth, he could help me piece together those missing months or he could use that information against me. The truth could set me free or wrap me in chains.

I was tying my robe when I heard a light tapping on my door, "Bella? We're coming in, okay?" Rose sounded as if she was speaking to a child. I would have been annoyed but tonight, I felt comforted.

I fell back on the bed and mumbled my consent. My eyes were dry and puffy, my nose swollen, and my head was being assaulted with a dull ache. Moments later I felt the bed shift twice as they joined me. Someone started stroking my hair. It was so calming, I just wanted to drift off and pretend that tonight had never happened.

Alice spoke to Rose first, "She's been crying."

"If Jake acted like a bitch, I'll have Emmett kick his ass for you."

I took a deep breath, "It wasn't Jake. Some guys started following me when I left X..."

"Holy shit!" Alice jumped off the bed.

"Jesus, Bella! Are you okay?" Rose took my hand.

I opened my eyes and grabbed my pillow, hugging it to me as I made my way to sit against the headboard. They looked horrified. I knew I should be correcting their assumptions, assuring them that I was fine. That nothing happened to me tonight that was not consensual. Instead, I studied their faces and wondered if I could live with them knowing what I had done. Would they always look at me like this?

"No. No, I'm fine. No one hurt me. Edward showed up." I began tugging the ends of the pillow that I was holding tight against my chest. It felt like more tears were coming and I was trying desperately trying to hold them back. It was too much. The past, the present, our future; all the questions I had pushed aside were scratching at the wall I had built to protect myself.

"Well that explains it!" Rose crossed her arms.

I told them about the ride home. I explained that I had invited Edward to Tristan's birthday party and how I thought it would be nice for him to come. I told them that he believed he wasn't capable of having children. Rose was in shock; Alice looked somber when I divulged that we had sex and that it hadn't been the first time since seeing him in the Hamptons. My eyes were drawn to the closet where my journal was hidden. Part of me wanted to show them but I still had no way to answer all of the questions they would have to ask. I looked at my shaking hands instead.

"Oh, sweetie." Rose scooted forward to embrace me while Alice came around the other side to do the same. The comfort their arms provided incited more tears.

I pulled myself together while they moved to the kitchen to open some wine. I knew they had more questions to ask and opinions to share. Though I wasn't looking forward to the conversation, I was relieved that they were with me and willing to help me wade through my muddled feelings. Still, I felt uneasy when they stopped whispering as I walked into the room.

"Bella," Rose looked uncomfortable as she traced the top of her wine glass with her finger, "Alice told me about last time, you know, when you and Edward...and Kate almost caught you."

"Really Alice?" I tried to appear shocked but in truth I was relieved I wouldn't have to tell her myself.

"Look, we can't help if we all aren't up to speed." Alice put her hands on her hips, sure of herself.

I took the glass they left sitting for me and downed half of it in before sitting it back down. I gazed at them both, a unique and awkward silence hung in the air.

"Rose, I..." I had no excuse for what I had done but like most people**,**I wanted to defend my actions, even the indefensible ones.

"I know you're not Irina," Rose began quietly. "You would never intentionally hurt someone that way. Hell, I don't even know for sure that she knew about me when she and Royce were together. Some guys are just assholes. You and Alice were there for me then, we'll be here for you now. God knows this is the first time you've needed help since, well..." She trailed off and I could tell that she hadn't meant to bring up my past when I was already hurting.

"That's what scares me. I'm not myself when he's around and obviously we were involved before in some way. I'm so confused right now."

Alice finally weighed in, "I know I joked about it before and God knows you need a little action, but not with him. Not if he's going to make you feel this way. You deserve better."

"Tristan deserves better," Rose added.

"I know. The ball's in his court, again. I need to quit trying to push this and wait to see what happens. If he wants to be involved he'll show it and if not, we'll all just keep going like we always have." I tried to sound sure of myself as the small voice in my head whispered _waiting is wasting_.

"What about this thing between you and him?" Rose asked. "He knows what happened to you back then Bella. He may be the only one who knows. As much as I hate him for putting you through all of this, then and now, he can give you answers. Can you walk away from that?"

"For now. This has to be about Tristan first." If being around Edward had such a profound effect on me, I had to be sure it was worth it. If finding out about those few months was going to break down the wall I had built to keep my sanity I would avoid the truth at all costs. The only problem was, I couldn't be sure when I had gone too far until it was too late.

They agreed to continue following my lead and to keep my indiscretions between us. The conversation shifted from my problems to lamenting about Rose's inability to move forward with Emmett and Alice's difficulty with finding a man at all. When the bottle was empty, they began ambling towards the door with Rose promising to help a slightly tipsy Alice to her door.

The condo was quiet, but instead of inspiring the feeling of calm that usually accompanied me to sleep, I tossed and turned while the journal in my closet seemed to pull at me. The dull ache in my head was back, thanks to the wine, and the emptiness that consumed me in the car with Edward began to creep over me once more. I began to wonder if it was already too late and my sanity was already slipping from my grasp. Something was missing. I forgot it somewhere and if I only knew what it was I would look for it.

I tore the covers off and dashed towards Tristan's room. He had never needed a nightlight but thankfully the moonlight coming from the window highlighted his face and brought me a measure of peace. I pulled the Spongebob comforter back slowly and crawled in next to him. Despite my best effort not to wake him, he rolled over and looked at me as soon as I wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm sorry Mommy, it's gone." He must have been dreaming still.

"Shhhh, it okay, baby. You have nothing to be sorry for. Go back to sleep."

"It was too heavy." His brow was furrowed.

"What was too heavy?" Maybe it was a nightmare.

"My bubble."

I held him as he drifted back into his dreams and tried to pretend he had said something else; anything else. I held him as if I were protecting him when in reality it was Tristan who was making me feel safe. Dim light filtered through the windows before I finally gave myself over to sleep.

It was after noon before I felt like I was awake enough to go to the market to buy the ingredients for Sunday's meal. Tristan was too big for the cart and had been for a while. He usually helped me pick the best produce while peppering me with questions about what I was going to make and what movie Emmett was going to bring. Today he was too quiet.

"What's wrong hon?" I wasn't going to mention what he had said last night. Complete denial.

His green eyes were intense but innocent. "Is my dad a bastard?"

"What? Who said that to you?" I panicked. Was this why he had the scuffle at school?

"Well, Seth said his dad is a bastard, his mom called him that. He doesn't see his dad much. Is that why I don't know my dad? Is he a bastard?" My heart ached that it had come to this.

"Tristan, that's not a nice word. I think Seth's mom is angry with his dad right now. Sometimes we say things we don't mean when we're angry. His dad probably wished he could spend more time with him."

"So?" He was determined and I had yet to answer the most important part of his question. "Seth knows who his dad is. Even if my dad _is_a bas...is bad, I want to know." He pushed his hands into his little pockets and waited for my acknowledgment.

"I have to be sure of some things first. You're the most important thing in the world to me. I'm sorry but I wouldn't let anyone I know is bad near you. You know you can always talk to Emmett or Carlisle for guy stuff right?"

He nodded.

"I'll let you know as soon as I can, okay?"

"Promise?" The hope in his eyes broke my heart.

"I promise." I couldn't help but return the smile that broke across his face. The word _promise_, however, hung like iron chain around my neck.

Tristan ran off to play with his Legos, while I started dinner. When I was a teenager cooking often felt like a burden. Being in the city helped; I didn't feel like it was something I was forced to do and there were thousands of superb restaurants I could frequent if I didn't feel like cooking. The restaurants were also helpful when Emmett's colorful suggestions ended up tasting less than palatable. The freedom of having other options and the encouragement of friends who never learned themselves made cooking more of a hobby than chore.

I had high hopes for the tonight's sausage and mushroom pie when I placed it in the oven. Tristan was still busy and the others wouldn't arrive for at least half an hour. I had been avoiding thinking of the conversation Tristan and I had at the market; trying to slip it back into a repository that no longer existed. He was so brave when he asked me to know his father. I could not ignore his request solely due to my inability to control myself around his father. I could say the ball was in his court but truly I had done nothing so far to discourage his advances towards me. I had been clay in his skilled hands. It was clear that I needed take control of the situation and find out what Edward's intentions were where Tristan was involved. I had promised which meant I couldn't just avoid Edward. Instead I used my phone to send him yet another email.

**-Sunday 4:38pm-**  
><strong>Sender: bswan- swandesigns<strong>  
><strong>Recipient: E. Cullen<strong>

_Dear Edward,_  
><em>We have to talk about Tristan. He wants to know who his father is and I need to tell him soon. We need to come to an agreement now! <em>

_Sincerely,_  
><em>Bella<em>

I had barely put my phone back on the table before it buzzed with a new message.

**-Sunday 4:42pm- Reply Email-**  
><strong>sender: E. Cullen<strong>  
><strong>recipient: bswan - <strong>_**swan designs**_

_Ms. Swan,_  
><em>Call me, 212-227-9019. Immediately.<em>

I wasn't expecting a reply so soon and I certainly didn't feel ready to talk to him. I had no idea what to expect. If he had just sent a message I could have spent the evening mulling over whatever he said. I could prepare myself. Even though my hands started to shake, I decided to call him. Adrenaline coursed through me as I went to the bedroom and closed the door. I had to dial the number twice due to my shaking fingers.

"Ms. Swan?" He answered before the first ring was complete.

"Yes, it's me. I think we're familiar enough that you can call me Bella."

"Indeed we are. Bella, I have come to the realization that I've been going about this all wrong and I would like to remedy the situation." This was unexpected.

"How do you intend to do that?" I was curious, but resolute.

"Well first, I suppose I should refrain from fucking you to distraction." He stated bluntly.

I felt my face flush with anger, "This has to be about Tristan now."

"I see. If this is what you want, I will try to be what you ask." He sounded sincere.

"How do you want to do this?"

"We'll have dinner, the three of us. I understand the boy enjoys Mario's calamari, have him ready at 6."

"You want to have dinner, in public? The press will have a field day, what about Kate?" I hadn't expected this.

"Do I strike you as a man who considers the opinions of others? Kate is no longer an issue, she has been well compensated." His voice was bored.

"You can't be as...suggestive as you usually are with Tristan around. It wouldn't be right."

"I believe I am a fine student of etiquette Ms...," he hesitated, "Bella. I will promise you this; I will not even hint at the number of things I have yet to do to you. You have my word that I will not touch you again until you initiate it."

"That sounds acceptable. My only concern is Tristan. We won't be doing anymore of...that." I was shocked, it was all too easy.

"Think what you will Bella, I won't be waiting long." He was smug now.

"I don't think I'm ready to tell him you're his father just yet. Maybe we should see how it goes?" I tried to change the subject.

"Do you truly believe that he doesn't already know?"

I was stunned by the idea. I hadn't considered that their earlier meeting could have factored in to Tristan's sudden eagerness to know his dad.

"Tomorrow at 7." His phone clicked abruptly.

I didn't have long to process the conversation; the others arrived soon after the call ended. Alice brought dark chocolate peanut butter chip cookies from Levain's. Rose was trying to impress Emmett with soda bread she claimed to have made herself. I was hopeful that she bought it; it would go great with the sausage and mushroom pie. Emmett brought The Spiderwick Chronicles and Never Back Down which meant we would have to listen to Alice "oh" and "ah" over Cam Gigandet during the entire film. Carlisle, keeping at least with the dinner's theme if not the dessert's, brought a case of Guinness.

Everyone was still picking at their food when Tristan excused himself to watch Big Time Rush before the movies. This was as good a time as any to let them know about our plans tomorrow. Carlisle and Emmett would be surprised; Alice and Rose would most likely be livid.

"So, I spoke with Edward today." I eased into the news.

Rose and Alice looked bewildered.

Carlisle was genuinely interested, while the others were on edge. "How did it go?"

"Well, he wants to have dinner with Tristan and me." Silverware clattered.

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" Rose sputtered.

I told them about the discussion Tristan had initiated at the market and, after Emmett got over his laughter at the fact that he had used the word bastard, they all looked sullen.

"It does sound as if he's willing to make an effort." Carlisle continued, after I relayed most of my earlier conversation with Edward.

"I'm hoping so."

"If he so much as makes the little man's eyes water, Jake and I will break his legs." Emmett wasn't joking.

Rose and Alice didn't have much to say. They would be waiting for me when I returned from the restaurant. Considering the fact that I had decided to do just the opposite, to avoid Edward completely the night before, they were hesitant to encourage my change of heart. I knew they would support me though. They always did.

Everyone was unusually quiet during the movies. Alice kept her thoughts about Cam's abs to herself. I knew I was the one responsible for drawing a cloud over the evening. We were all considering the ramifications of tomorrow and how it would affect us all. I would catch each of them looking at Tristan as if he were marching off to war the next day.

I had decided to wait until he got home from school to let him know so he wouldn't be anxious all day; his first impression of Edward wasn't the greatest. Regardless of what Edward had said, I was not going to tell him that Edward was his father right away.

I was lost in my own thoughts when the credits began to roll and Emmett hopped up to retrieve the Blu-Rays. Hugs were had all around and they trickled out just as they had trickled in. Only Alice stayed behind for a moment.

"Bella, I hope you know what you're doing here. You have the tendency to just go along, not that it's a bad thing, you just like to make other people happy. But this guy, he seems to feed off of that. You have to be careful, especially for Tristan." I wasn't used to Alice being so serious.

There was a lump in my throat, "I know. This will change everything."

**A/N:** I would like to thank my amazing betas: nise7465 and GracieHartford ; and my wonderful pre-reader: fit2bme . They have been a great source of encouragement. This chapter has been greatly improved due to their input; any mistakes are my own. Thank you for reading,  
>I would love to hear your comments.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2: A Date with Heimarmene

**Disclaimer:** Twilight characters and situations belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator.

I had always heard that time flies when you are having fun. What I hadn't heard was that it also hurtles you towards experiences you're not quite sure you're ready for. I was going back and forth between dreading the evening and just hoping to get it over with.

I was seeing signs everywhere but had no idea how to interpret them. Tristan was in a great mood this morning. Even with an unusually obstinate pair of socks, we made it to St. Luke's in record time. I couldn't decide if that meant luck was on my side or, if I had used up my daily allotment and it was all down hill from there.

I decided that the best way to make it through the day**, **with the least amount of panic**,**would be to fill the day with distractions. I was good at that; pushing anything I didn't want to think about off to the side. Of course the things I avoided most were in the past and the past tends to lie dormant. Tonight was different, it was a sure thing. It was coming and the more I tried to push it aside the more obvious it became. It was like my own personal game of reverse psychology.

I had planned to spend all day in the showroom keeping myself busy. Unfortunately, I spent most of the night tossing and turning while imaging how the evening would go; playing out different scenarios I had already had dinner with Edward and Tristan at least twenty times in my head when the sun finally came up. I decided to take the day off to try and catch up on the sleep I had lost. That was also a good plan, until I ended up taking calls all day. Rose wanted to check in and make sure I felt up to facing Edward again with Tristan in tow. I wasn't entirely sure but I was going to go through with it anyway. Emmett called to ask if I wanted him to take Rose to Del Posto so they would be there if anything went wrong. I politely declined and suggested that he take Rose to Per Se instead. I heard from Alice around noon. She, as usual, was trying to give me more courage than I had and spent twenty minutes explaining why I could handle anything Mr. Cullen threw my way. Her encouragement worked, until Carlisle chimed in to warn me that Edward was vicious at the office today and suggested that I reschedule. I thanked him but assured him that I was going through with dinner. I checked the clock and gave up on napping, school would be dismissed in half an hour.

I watched as Tristan giggled with a few boys his age; it seemed that he had finally managed to make a few friends. I was relieved that the scuffle he was involved in the first day had been an isolated incident, he was happy at school now. Watching them laugh and play, I thought about the charmed years of childhood when all the monsters were imaginary and mommy could make them all go away. It seemed like such a small window of time before those monsters you once feared began to look small; when you began to see the flaws in those around you and realized that all was not right with the world and that was far worse. At that point in life when you learn that life is not fair. I hoped it would be years before Tristan came to these realizations.

"Hey Mom!" He ran towards me and almost knocked me down with a hug.

I put my hand on his shoulder as we turned to walk to the condo. "Hey babe. How was school?"  
>"Mrs. Helms brought in hamsters and they were so cute and wiggly. I got picked to feed them all week and if I do a good job, I get a prize from the treasure box on Friday." His excitement was infectious.<p>

"That sounds like fun. They don't bite do they?"

"No." He giggled again and my heart swelled, "She showed me how to hold them."

"How do you feel about going back to Del Posto tonight?"

"With Rosie?" His excitement did not escape me and neither did his use of Emmett's nickname for Rose.

"No, with one of Mommy's friends. Edward."

"Why is he going?" His mood sunk like a day-old balloon.

I took his hand and tried to be more enthusiastic. "I haven't seen him in a while so I thought it would be nice."

"Can't Rosie babysit me?" He stopped and squinted up at me.

"Edward wants you to come, he liked talking to you and I think he wants to be your friend." He still didn't look too happy. On to bribery. Plus, they have your favorite calamari."

"Fine."

He was silent the rest of the way home and tried not to look up from his shoes until it was time to push the button for the elevator. I knew that he was probably thinking about the night Edward had come to our home. I wanted to find out why he was so troubled, was it simply that he was reminded of Edward questioning who his father was or was there something about Edward that put him off. I decided to wait until he had put his book bag away and used the bathroom before asking him.

"Tristan, would you like a snack? It will be later before we eat." I was already reaching for the left over cookies from last night. My nerves had prevented me from eating earlier and I was starting to feel light-headed.

He shuffled into the kitchen, "Sure."

I poured some milk as he climbed into a chair. I sat down next to him and studied his face as he became more like himself and took bigger bites of cookie than he should. I had wanted to protect him from all of this; instead I left him unprepared. For almost five years he was content with our small circle of friends and family; now all of these questions were coming to the surface at once. One question would lead to another and another. Eventually I would run out of answers.

"What's bothering you, hon?" I quit stalling.

He slowed his chewing only to shrug.

I waited a few more seconds until he swallowed and took a drink, "Are you upset about going tonight?"

"Not really." He continued with a bit of hesitation, "Will he ask me a lot more questions?"

"Maybe. I think he just wants to know more about you." I used my fingers to brush his hair from his forehead.

"Do you like him? Is he your boyfriend?" He looked at me with wide and anxious eyes.

I was caught off guard. "No, he's not my boyfriend." That was easy enough to answer; it was the first part of the question that gave me pause.

Fortunately, Tristan seemed to be satisfied with that answer. "Then I guess it'll be okay." He smiled brightly. He finished off his cookie while I began to pick at mine.

The rest of the day passed quickly. Since we were going to be out a little later, Tristan took his bath and then we read his assigned story for school. The few tasks that I needed to complete before dinner seemed to be inversely correlated with my level of anxiety. My son had always been easy to get ready; it took me all of ten minutes start to finish and he looked adorable. I put on a black business casual wrap dress and minimal amount of make-up. I didn't want Edward to think I was getting ready for him; Tristan was going to be the focus of this evening.

Our buzzer sounded at exactly 7pm. I opened the door and my heart leap in my chest. Edward was wearing charcoal gray pants and a white button up shirt with a thin black tie. He stood in the doorway with a large white box in his arms. As awkward and cold as our last few moments together had been, I felt as if I could breathe easier now that he was in front of me. He was beautiful.

I stepped out of the entryway, "Come in."

"Good evening Bella, Tristan." He nodded at us both.

He held the box out slightly but as I reached for it, he pulled it back. "This is for Tristan. You don't seem to my appreciate gifts." I cringed as I remembered the orchids he had sent and I had destroyed.

Tristan jumped up at the mention of gift and came to stand in front of Edward. "For me?"

"Yes." He handed Tristan the box and knelt down to help him remove the lid. "I remembered you said you enjoyed the zoo." he explained.

Inside the box was zoo play set with hand carved, wooden animals. I was stunned; this was not what I had expected at all. They spent a few minutes looking at the set and discussing which animals were included. I took in the surreal scene with cautious optimism. Edward seemed genuine as he interacted with Tristan but I also knew his demeanor could change quickly. As soon as that thought entered my mind, I witnessed Edward's small but warm smile grow cold as he rose and addressed me once more.

"We should go, the car is waiting." His eyes raked over me but only met my own for a fleeting second.

Tristan took my hand as we followed Edward out. In the brief moments that passed as we waited for the elevator, Tristan smiled up at me and I wondered briefly if he did know this man was his father. Edward's fists were pushed into his pockets as he simply stared at the elevator doors with a blank expression. I was overcome with the urge to touch; to soothe his shoulders with my hands; run my nails over his taut forearms and release his tense fists. The elevator finally chimed and I pushed the thought away, ashamed.

When we reached the car, the driver was waiting and opened the door for us. Tristan and I slid in; Edward took the seat across from us. Tristan was practically bouncing with excitement. This was his first time in a limo, or at least the first time he could remember. He brushed his hands over all of the buttons lightly and gazed up at the moon roof. I glanced at Edward who was observing Tristan with a measure of uneasiness. Edward crossed his arms, then brought one hand up in order to rub his forehead. He exhaled loudly before placing his hands on his knees.

"Would you like to open the moon roof?" He blurted out.

Tristan nodded with enthusiasm as Edward showed him which button to push. Wind rushed in through the window and my son squealed with delight before smiling at Edward. Edward returned the smile until he looked at me. As soon as his eyes met mine, the smile faded and his eyes became glacial before he turned to stare out the side window. It hurt me more than it should have but I pushed it away and focused on Tristan's excitement for the rest of the short drive.

When we arrived at the restaurant we were seated almost immediately. I was proud of Tristan's table manners; he wasn't the typical crying or fidgeting child everyone hates to sit near and he was in a particularly good mood tonight. It also didn't hurt that Edward ordered two portions of calamari which completed his coup, Tristan seemed to have forgiven him for the late night disturbance. In fact, they were getting along better than I could have hoped. For some reason my stomach was still tied in knots.

Thirty minutes later I was pushing striped bass around on my plate when Tristan asked, "How are you and my mom friends if you live so far away?"

Edward clenched his jaw almost imperceptibly before answering. "I was here, in the city. We were both lost and...your mother helped me find my way. She didn't seem to need me so much though." He smiled with a hint of sadness at our son. Tristan looked satisfied with the answer.

"So I hear your having a birthday party?" Edward effectively changed the subject.

"I am! It's...when Mom?" Tristan asked impatiently.

"Next weekend."

He barely let me finish, "Next weekend. We were going to the cabin but it was full. Mom's giving me a dinosaur party at home. Wanna come?" I froze.

Edward removed the napkin from his lap and placed it loosely folded to the left of his plate. "I want us to be friends too, Tristan, of course I'll come to your party." He seemed so sincere but I was still skeptical, this change was all too sudden.

The rest of the meal went just as smoothly. Edward ordered dessert for Tristan but I declined. I wanted to excuse myself to visit the restroom but was hesitant to leave the table. As it was, I already felt like an observer. Edward had yet to directly address me, Tristan asked me a few questions but was mostly interested in impressing his new "friend". I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I couldn't understand Edward's demeanor; he was reasonable on the phone yesterday. Why was he suddenly so cold to me and open and warm to Tristan. I spent so much time trying to convince him to meet Tristan like this and had made no progress. What had changed? My emotions were all over the place. If Edward backed away again, Tristan would be crushed. Then again, what if Edward decided that he wanted to be a father after all, but I wasn't fit to be the mother of his son? And why wasn't he paying any attention to me, was he already bored? Why did I care so much? I knew with absolute conviction that Tristan had to be our first consideration, our only concern. Still, I felt as if I was being denied. Like something I wanted desperately was being held just out of reach.

It was well past Tristan's bedtime when we returned to the car; he was asleep within minutes with his head resting on my arm. As beautiful as he was to me all the time, there was just something about his face while he was sleeping. He was innocent and pure, an angel completely vulnerable to all the evils in the world with only me to protect him. Sometimes it made me want to weep. I traced his cheek with my finger and he smiled.

"That went well." I addressed Edward when I noticed him watching us.

He quickly faced the window again. "What did you expect?" His jaw was tight again.

"I'm not sure what I expected. You just seemed like you weren't interested..."

"Carlisle has done well," he interrupted me. Then under his breath, "Maybe that's why you keep him around."

My anger flared, "Carlisle has helped me in so many ways since well before Tristan was born. He has been a wonderful role model. Carlisle has been a good friend to me. "

"Well, you have so many friends now don't you?" He smirked with contempt.

It was clear what he was insinuating. His comment stung and I could tell by the satisfied look on his face that he had meant for it to do just that. I was so angry that my eyes became blurry as I willed myself not to cry in front of this man. How dare he continue to suggest that I was some sort of slut, he knew nothing about me! I resolved to deal with his insults when my son was sleeping within earshot. It was my turn to find escape through the side window as I held Tristan a little tighter. The car was silent except for Tristan's even breathing.

"Do you ever think about our time together?" He asked as we neared Charles Street. I was shocked by his question, even more so by how his smug expression had changed to remorse.

I wasn't sure how to answer, "Not... until recently." At least it was honest.

It was not the answer he was looking for. The tension was back in full force when we pulled up to my building. I leaned over slightly to try and rouse Tristan but Edward stopped me.

"I've got it, just get out." He waved me off.

I watched as he knelt in front of Tristan and hesitated briefly before picking him up. When he backed out of the car his arms were securely around my son. If his face hadn't revealed his discomfort I would have sworn he had done this before. The doorman quickly opened the door for us and I led the way back up to our condo. After unlocking the door, I followed them and watched Edward place Tristan gently on his bed. He stood back, observing the sleeping boy for a brief moment.

I decided to give him some space so I went to the kitchen to put on some water for tea. Edward found me there a few minutes later. He stood at the far side of the counter. He watched me as I turned to remove a few cups and sweetener packets from the cabinet. I was uneasy because it was just the two of us again.

"Thank you for dinner, Edward. Tristan had a really good time." My anger had faded and I was trying to end the evening on a positive note. He looked a little dazed. Probably overwhelmed, children had a way of doing that sometimes.

"You will be coming to the party right? I mean, he expects you now." I turned to find him standing between me and the counter. I tried not to let his closeness phase me. I barely brushed up against him when I put the cups down but dropped a few of the white packets on the floor.

"I told him I would be there and I intend to keep my word." Though his voice was harsh, his eyes were inviting as he leaned even closer.

This was the closest I had been to him all evening and a part of me rejoiced that I finally had his attention. I felt his hands move just above my shoulders though they failed to make contact. His hands ghosted down my arms and passed my hips. The anticipation of his touch was like the crackle of lightening in the air. My pulse was pounding in my ears as I braced my hands against the counter behind me to avoid pulling him to me. He moved down to kneel in front of me, both hands hovering above my thighs, then calves. The pull only stopped once he reached my ankles. He reached to pick up the sugar packets and then, just as slowly, made his back up using one hand to make me shiver instead of two. He paused and moved closer when he reached the hem of my dress, his fingers gathered the fabric and raised it to reveal my thighs. I felt his warm breathe everywhere and I struggled not to gasp. I looked down to find him studying my face; he let the material go and resumed his path back to my shoulders.

Edward placed his hands on either side of my body, caging me in. There was still a sliver of space between us and I began to wonder if it was his incredible control or some other mysterious force that kept it there, the area itself felt alive. That line of thought was broken when he leaned in and I felt his breathe start on my collar bone. The warmth of his lips drifted above my throat. With his face inches from mine, I could smell the sweetness of wine on his breath and I was desperate to taste. His eyes were dark but vivid as he came even closer; his lips parting. I closed my eyes and waited to receive him but was met with his voice instead.

"I always keep _my _promises Ms. Swan." It was a whisper that sent a shiver down my spine.

I opened my eyes and he was already at my door. I was at loss for words. How could I, again, be so ready to give myself to him? My son was sleeping in the next room; I still needed to remove his shoes and help him into his pajamas. My eyes fell to the floor; I felt guilt, shame, rejection. I looked back at Edward who was wearing a satisfied smile.

He opened the door but turned briefly, "And Ms. Swan, I prefer honey with my tea." Then he was gone.

It felt as if all the air in the room had left with him. I straightened my dress and went to my phone, desperate to end the heavy silence.

"Hello?" Alice picked up on the second ring.

"He's gone." I turned to gather the crumpled sugar packets from the counter and threw them in the trash.

"How did it go?"

"Could you and Rose just come over?" I knew Rose would be staying with Alice tonight. They both anticipated that I would need them and they were right though I had no idea how I was going to explain my current state.

"Sure, we're on the way." Her voice was thick with concern.

"The door's unlocked, come on in."

I went to Tristan's room to make him more comfortable. He looked so peaceful. Tonight had gone wonderfully where he was concerned. If Edward's interaction with him was all that I knew, I would be proud to tell my son that Edward was his father. It was his behavior with me that gave me pause. He was basing our relationship on a history I knew nothing about. However, it was clear now that he was at least going to respect my wishes to refrain from our more physical interactions. We could build a new relationship as Tristan's parents with no need to revisit the past. He was a grown man, he would get over whatever grudge he was holding and we could be civil.

We would all be fine.

**A/N:** I would like to thank my amazing betas: nise7465 and GracieHartford; and my wonderful pre-reader: fit2bme. They put up with my silly and sometimes repetitive mistakes, all for you. This chapter has been greatly improved due to their input; any mistakes are my own. I would like to thank everyone who has made it this far for reading. I have really enjoyed reading all of the reviews and I would love to hear your comments on this chapter as well.


	3. Chapter 3: Momus, Pothos and a Party

**Disclaimer:** Twilight characters and situations belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator.

Last night had gone better than expected, I had to keep telling myself that. I also had to keep telling Alice and Rose because they weren't buying it. I gave them a detailed account of the evening except for our little exchange in the kitchen, I was having a hard time deciphering my own feelings. I also didn't go into detail concerning his behavior towards me, I simply told them that we didn't talk much. They remained skeptical but were impressed by the toys he brought for Tristan.

"Why haven't you asked him anything about how you two met or...I don't know, had sex?" Alice blurted out; clearly exasperated.

Rose nodded in agreement, "Exactly. You're letting him have all this control, inviting him in to Tristan's life. The only thing you know is that he may have fathered your child and that he treats everyone around him like shit."

Their questions overwhelmed me, they must have been discussing this amongst themselves. "I don't know." I put my head in my hands, "Maybe I'm afraid to find out what happened back then. If everything can be okay now, why risk it?"

I dropped my hands to look at Rose, "I would never let him hurt Tristan."

"We know you wouldn't, hon." Rose sat her cup of tea down on the counter before taking my hands in both of hers. "It's just that you're not yourself when he's around. We're just looking out for you. You might not like what you find out but it's better to know what you're dealing."

I couldn't argue with her logic. Alice chimed in, "You are the most loving and protective mother I have ever known. I mean, you visited how many schools before settling on St. Luke's even though you knew Ben was a teacher there. You have always been so careful." She paused until she caught my eyes, "The only exceptions have been with Edward." Rose was nodding in agreement.

She was right. "I'll try, he's not the easiest person to talk to."

"Screw that!" Rose raised her voice as she placed her palms flat in the counter, "Bella, you're a grown ass woman. You ask him what you want to know and you don't back down until you get straight answers. If you plan to let him have a place in Tristan's life, you can't let him intimidate you. If you cave now, it'll never stop." Her strong words trailed off into a hushed plea. I knew she was thinking of Royce and how he had taken her apart piece by piece.

"I will Rose, I promise."

We moved on to discussing what they had done that evening. Rose had declined Emmett's dinner invitation but made plans to see him Friday. She and Alice had ordered Chinese take-out and had spent the evening Googling Edward. They had learned nothing new, just basic information his family and a few tabloid articles.

Alice sniffed, "For someone with so much clout you would think there would be more info. It's almost as if he didn't exist until he began working for MasenCullen."

Rose informed us that she'd had enough of the "assmunching douchnozzle" and was heading home. Alice informed me that her "people" would be taking final measurements for Tristan's party this week as she moved her cup to the sink. I hugged them both and we made plans to all meet for lunch in the next few days.

The next morning I arrived at the showroom a little later than usual, Tristan seemed a touch slower but in truth I was the one dragging my feet. Lack of sleep was definitely catching up with me. I grumbled good morning to Angela before heading straight to my office. The coffee wasn't working and I couldn't take another day off so I shut the door and tried to rest**.**As soon as I closed my eyes I heard my phone buzz. It was a text from Emmett:

_Em: seen page six yet?_

_B: no, why?_

_Em: grab it soon mama; don't shoot the messenger_

*I huffed with frustration, wondering what glorious turn this day about to take. I walked to the front of the showroom hoping that Angela had picked up The Post. She was on the phone so I shuffled a few files on her desk to get her attention. She snarled without making a sound and I mouthed the word newspaper. She shook her head. I walked through the archway to see if Alice had a copy.*

"Alice, do you..."

"Holy shit Bella, have you seen it" She interrupted and ran over, the paper flapping in her hand.

"Look!"

I took the paper from her.

_The plot thickens it seems! MasenCullen CEO, Edward Cullen was spotted dining at Del Posto last night with someone other than his lady of late, Ms. Kate Denali. Inside sources report that he spent the evening dining with local business owner Ms. Marie Isabella Swan of Swan Designs and a young boy who bore a striking resemblance to Mr. Cullen._

"Oh shit, oh shit." I didn't finish the blurb, I was too panicked to deal with snark.

Alice placed her hand on my shoulder, "Calm down, he had to have known this was a possibility."

After taking a few moments to settle my thoughts, I went back to my office to call him. Alice couldn't stand being left out so she followed me.

"MasenCullen Corporation, how may I direct your call?"

"Mr. Cullen please." I smacked Alice's hand away when she tried to turn on the speaker phone.

"One moment." I was put on hold for only a few seconds, "I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen is out of the country for the rest of the week. Would you like to leave your contact information?"

"No thank you."

I looked at Alice, "He's out of the country for the week."

"Well then he probably didn't see it and it'll be old news by the time he gets back." She almost sounded disappointed. Now that there was nothing exciting going on, she hopped up and made her way to the door.

Carlisle confirmed that he was in London for personal reasons. I didn't try to contact him again until the night before Tristan's party. I sent him an email to remind him of the time and to remind him that it would be a nice gesture for him to attend. An hour before the party, I gave up any hope of getting a reply. I was angry that he had taken the time for dinner but might not do so for his son's birthday. I didn't want to ruin the day by being angry though, Tristan would have a great time and probably wouldn't even notice he wasn't there. He had only mentioned him a few times since we had gone out with him. Typically when he was playing with his zoo animals or describing his new found love for limousines.

Alice had gone completely crazy decorating the condo; I should have known better than to give her free rein. A friend of a friend of hers owns a prop company and for the last twenty-four hours she and a crew of four had turned my home into a miniature Jurassic Park. All of the doorways were made to look like caves and most of the walls were covered in jungle vines. Vines also hung from the ceiling in lieu of streamers, a few model pterodactyls were hung as well. She had placed fiberglass boulders randomly throughout the room. Some of my furniture had been moved onto the terrace to make room for her pièce de résistance; a plastic sandbox that resembled a dinosaur dig site that she planned to fill with sand and "fossils" for the kids to dig out.

The others had made major contributions as well. Rose had commissioned several huge window clings; their effect on the floor to ceiling windows was amazing. It looked as if a Tyrannosaurus Rex was about to crash through the window at any moment. Emmett had downloaded every possible song that involved dinosaurs and intermixed them with a natural jungle soundtrack. Alice then demanded that he use speakers that looked like rocks in order to maintain the atmosphere; he had spent the morning running wires throughout the room so none of the children would trip on them. Carlisle and Rose were supervising the caterers. There was a table set up with food for the children and another for the parents that would be attending with them. It was more than I could have hoped for but I was also faced with two looming questions; what will I do next year and how am I going to clean this up?

Tristan was beyond excited; he had spent the morning explaining why we should keep the condo filled with the dinosaur paraphernalia at least until Christmas. He frowned a bit when I told him we wouldn't be keeping any of it so I promised we could make his room look a little more prehistoric if he wanted. I was thankful that he was satisfied with that.

It seemed as if Tristan and I were the only ones not doing something to prepare for the party which meant we were both left to with our jittery nerves. Tristan was both excited and worried; he knew most of his friends would be there but he also knew that a few of the nastier kids from school would be there as well. Of course this was technically all my fault. At first, we had several responses to the invitations, about half of his class had confirmed that they would attend. Then of course, the article about us being seen with the illustrious Edward Cullen and the rumors hinting that Tristan might be his son brought in the rest of them. This led to the reason for my apprehensiveness. I had no idea if Edward was actually going to show up or what would happen if he did. We both ruminated over the possibilities while kneading and molding play doh in Tristan's bedroom.

We shuffled out a few minutes before the first guests were to arrive to see the final product. It was perfect. I looked at my little boy as he took in the room. His eyes were sparkling with excitement; his joy enough to overcome my anxiety. He ran over to inspect his cake while I decided to rely on the other grown-ups for some last minute encouragement.

"This is fantastic guys." I looked at each of them and began to tear up.

Alice took one hand and Rose the other, "Our baby's growing up," Rose squeezed my hand.

"I can't think about that too much right now or I'll cry." My eyes began to water anyway.

Carlisle walked over and looked nervous as he took in our expressions, "Is everything okay over here?"

I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him, "Thank you Carlisle, for everything." I couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

"No need to thank me, I've been quite selfish really. You and Tristan have been such a blessing." He rubbed my back before pulling back a little, "Now, go dry your eyes and freshen up before you scare the kids." He smiled before moving on to comfort Rose; Alice had already gone to monitor the door.

"Hey Mama, you alright?" Emmett caught up with me before I reached the bathroom.

"Yeah, just thinking about my little boy growing up. it's gone by so fast." I wiped at my eyes.

Emmett pulled me in for a hug,"He's just getting bigger, he could turn out like me and never grow up." I was then subjected to my first noogie since Jake gave me one in 6th grade.

"Go make sure he doesn't get his fingers into the cake." I grumbled while smoothing my hair.

By the time I had fixed my face and hair, several guests had arrived. Alice was leading the kids through a game of pin the tooth on the dinosaur to keep them busy until everyone arrived. Jake was already there and poking around at the dry ice with Emmett while Carlisle and Rose tried to keep the parents entertained. We had decided that each of us would rotate through the party games. Emmett would lead the dinosaur hunt, Carlisle would help them build a volcano, and Alice would supervise the fossil dig. Rose had been a real trooper and volunteered to be in charge of the bone toss, this of course led to a twenty minute torture session from a hysterically giggling Alice and Emmett. I was lucky enough to only be in charge of presenting the cake.

Soon after all of the children had arrived, Emmett donned his safari gear began the dinosaur hunt. He was leading them around the condo, following clues that would lead them to a giant inflatable dinosaur. The other parents had gathered in a corner and were talking in hushed tones amongst themselves. I was almost positive they were trying to guess whether Mr. Cullen would be making an appearance or if they had wasted an afternoon. I had resigned myself to the idea that he wasn't going to show up when I felt myself being drawn to the door only to stop when I saw Carlisle open it and offer a greeting.

The chattering across the room picked up immediately.

I watched Carlisle shake Edward's hand and accept a large box before he entered the room. He was wearing a white button down shirt and jeans. Even in casual clothes he had an air of authority. I was expecting him to come over and at least greet me. Instead, Edward followed Carlisle to the table in the back of the room which held the presents. Carlisle was gesturing as if explaining the current game. Edward nodded and began to survey the room. His eyes met mine briefly and I felt my heart sink when I saw that the coldness was still there.

"Who's the douche?" Jake flung his arm around my shoulder.

I shrugged him off, "That would be Edward Cullen, Tristan's father."

Jake started towards Edward and Carlisle but I quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him back. "Where are you going?"

"You may be able to get over the fact that he knocked you up and left you god knows where to fend for yourself but I have a few words I'd like to share with the fucker!" Jake's eyes were blazing and while I knew he was upset over what had happened to me, I also knew his anger was based on the simple fact that Edward was the father of my child and not him.

"Not now and not here!" I glanced around and noticed that a few eyes were already taking in our conversation, it was the icy green pair across the room that concerned me the most.  
>He flexed his jaw and I heard his teeth grind together, "Fine." He dropped my hand and walked towards bathroom.<p>

Alice and Rose were by my side in seconds wanting to know what was going on. I didn't have time to say anything before Carlisle was escorting Edward over to our little group.

"Mr. Cullen, this is my sister Rosalie and Bella's sister Alice." Carlisle looked a little nervous.

"Good afternoon. Please call me Edward." He politely shook their hands. It didn't escape my notice that he avoided looking in my direction. I was tired of whatever game he was playing.

"Edward, can I speak with you privately for just a moment?" I motioned towards the door that led to my room.

His lips formed a tight line as he considered my question."If you must."

I turned and headed towards my room but stopped short when Tristan came running from the guest room carrying the giant dinosaur. He stopped when he reached us while the other boys followed Emmett to the volcano set-up.

"Hey Edward! Did you see all the jungle?" He was practically bouncing.

"Yes, it is incredible. Are you having fun?" Edward seemed genuinely interested.

"It's my favorite day ever! I'm going to make volcanoes now!" Just as quickly as he'd arrived, he was off again.

For a brief moment Edwards smile remained when he looked a me but when I tried to return it, his smile faded as he looked at the floor and gestured for me to continue our previous course. I wondered if I would ever figure him out. He was trying with Tristan and I was grateful if not convinced. It really did seem as if he could be a good father if that's what he wanted. I entered my bedroom and took a deep breath as he followed, pulling the door together behind him.

"Edward, I am glad you came today. Tristan has been talking about you this week and I think he would have been disappointed if you hadn't come." I waited for any type of response but he simply walked past me to look out the window.

I continued, "I would like for you to see him more often if you'd like but we really need to find a way to get along with each other."

"Get along?" He murmured quietly before turning to face me. "Get along?" He shouted.

"Yes." I was taken aback by his intense reaction. I took a few steps back just as he began stalking towards me. "I know this is all unexpected and probably inconvenient but now that you've decided to make an effort, we don't have to be hostile."

I felt my back press into the wall as he stood in front of me, hands in tight fists and eyes full of disgust. "I try, I try to remember how you used to be. I still see her in you from time to time and it kills me. Sometimes I hate you for that!" He raised his hand as if he were about to shake me before turning abruptly and returning to the window.

"I'm filing for custody of Tristan." His voice was calm as he turned to face me again.

Instinct took over; I was in front of him in an instant.

I slapped him.

My hand stung, I rubbed it against my leg.

"What?" I calmed enough to form words, "How could you even think of doing something like that?" I still had him cornered.

"This is not the proper environment for raising a child. Especially my child. I don't care how nice your parties are or how much you spoil him, he deserves better!" He looked me in the eye, his now red face full of smug self-righteousness.

"What are you talking about?" None of this made sense.

"The men, Bella! I know Carlisle is...not interested, but my god; the others. Do they know they're sharing you? He seemed to be searching my eyes for answers.

I'd had enough. "Are you kidding me? They are all my friends, just friends! Not that I owe you any explanation! I am sick of you suggesting that I am some kind of whore when you have a pretty colorful past yourself from what I hear!" I felt fearless as I leaned towards him, daring him to continue.

I expected him to apologize, or at the very least see that he had the wrong idea and seek some sort of truce. Instead he sneered, "Even the most experienced whore remembers who she fucks when she sees them Bella. What's _does_it say about you that you couldn't even remember me?"

I felt wounded.

"How dare you!" Alice walked through my door. "She doesn't remember anything you jackass! She was missing for four months and she doesn't remember any of it! For all we know you did something to her and you just left her out there. Alone!"

I was surprised that Alice had been listening but I was also grateful. My nosy sister stepped in front of me and pointed a finger in his face. "She was completely innocent when you came along and did whatever the fuck you did to her. She hasn't so much as looked at a man since then you pompous ass!"

"What do you mean she doesn't remember anything? What happened?" He seemed genuinely concerned.

Alice stepped back and put her arm around me, "Why don't you tell us?"

"She was fine when..." He stopped short as he looked into my eyes.

Alice continued, "When I found her she was three months pregnant and didn't even know. She was the hospital for weeks." she choked up before continuing, "So don't you dare come in here making accusations when you are the one with all the answers!"

I watched all the color leave Edward's face as Alice's words sunk in, then he turned away from us. I was grateful that at least some truth had come to light. I was hoping it was enough, that he wouldn't want to see my records. He was already threatening to take Tristan, if he read my file it it would only give him more reason to think me unfit. My thoughts were interrupted as an eerie chuckle escape from Edward; Alice and I exchanged bewildered looks as the chuckle increased in volume and tempo.

"Of course!" He said in between his guffaws "Of all people, after everything we... of course she would forget!" He continued to laugh hysterically while talking to no one in particular.

Alice and I looked at each other, stunned. She shifted her eyes towards the door, signaling me in a way that only sisters and best friends can. She wanted to get him out of here. I studied the man before us. His boisterous outburst had calmed and he looked absolutely lost as he sat down as if the floor itself would disappear. He rested his elbows on his knees and buried his hands in his hair; he was mumbling to himself. It was clear that he was hurting. The anger I felt over his accusation lessened as I considered what he must have believed; that I had spent the past few years sleeping around. That I had simply forgotten him because he was insignificant.

I felt as if is I were being drawn to him.

"Should I get Emmett?" Alice tugged at my hand as I began to walk towards him.

"No, just go. Make sure everything's going okay out there."

"Bella?" I turned to her, she was chewing on her fingernail, a habit she had overcome a long time ago. She pulled the finger from her mouth and pointed at Edward. "Wounded animals run or they bite. He looks like a biter."

"I'm just going to talk to him. Go check on the party. If I need help you can bring Emmett _and_Jake."

She looked unsure but moved toward the door "Call out if you need us." She walked out leaving the door slightly ajar.

"Alice?"

She poked her head right back in, "Yeah?"

"Shut the door. I need to handle this on my own." She looked disgruntled but did as I asked.

I heard her muffled voice as she spoke to the kids. I was certain that we were alone as I knelt down in front of him. I wrapped my fingers around his wrists and eased his hands from his hair. I smoothed a few strands down with my fingers and he looked into my eyes; they were so empty. My vision blurred and I felt cold air all around me and the sounds of traffic in the distance echoed in my ears; for an instant I was in Central Park. I blinked and it was gone, only his face remained. I leaned forward between his knees and brushed my lips against his, not fully understanding my own reaction.

Edward inhaled sharply. His hands found the small of my back and pulled me into his lap. He rested his head on my shoulder as he embraced me. I stroked his back and was struck by how intimate and familiar it seemed to be holding him this way.

"You don't remember any of it?" His voice was muffled.

"No. I'm sorry." And in that moment, I truly was.

He brought his face up to meet mine, the despair in his eyes brought tears to mine. When he saw them he offered me a weak smile, "I'll help you remember." He brushed his thumb across my cheek before sinking both hands into my hair.

Edward's lips danced gently across mine. He pressed a kiss against my top lip, sucking gently before offering the same ministrations to the bottom. It was almost too light and I wanted more, my nails grazed his scalp as I pulled his face closer to mine. I could feel the smile forming on his lips as he eased us back to the floor. Instinct took over as attacked his mouth with my own. His tongue gently teased mine until I forced its surrender causing him groan deeply. The sound sent waves of desire through me. I released his mouth and his accelerated breathing was like an exquisite symphony as I made my descent to his warm neck; teasing, kissing, and biting as I worked the buttons of his shirt. His hands cupped my ass and dragged me over the thick bulge in his jeans. It was my turn to moan as he leaned up and brushed my hair back before trailing small kisses up my neck to my ear.

"Your body remembers me" he whispered before nipping my earlobe, "the rest will come."

His voice ignited my entire body; my mind was a blur of need as I tried to focus on what I wanted. As if he could see this in my eyes, he began to kiss me again as I pushed his shirt off his shoulders. When I met the resistance of his elbow and the floor, I abandoned the shirt and explored his chest with my hands. The feel of him beneath my fingers while tasting his mouth was intoxicating.

It wasn't enough.

I found his belt and fumbled with it until it was unfastened; I could feel him warm and hard just beneath. He groaned against my throat before pulling my shirt and bra strap off my shoulder. He opened the small clasp and replaced the cup with his hand, his mouth burning a trail down from my collarbone. I inhaled deeply as I felt his warm breath on my nipple.

"Shit!" Rose's loud expletive broke the spell as I pulled Edward against me to hide my naked breast.

"Um...it's uh, almost time for the cake." Rose stammered in a hurry before shutting the door.

I stood up and began putting myself back in order. I dashed to the mirror to straighten my hair. My cheeks were flushed and I was positive everyone out there would know why. I hear the children laughing as they run from one side of the condo to the other. Guilt and shame overwhelm me, I was about to have sex with Edward during my son's birthday party. Anyone could have walked through that door. I began to fan myself with my hands to cool my cheeks as I turned to see if Edward was ready. He was still lying on the floor, his hands cradling his head, belt still wide open. His eyes were closed and he was wearing a satisfied smile.

"Are you coming?"

He opened his eyes and tried to restrain his smile. "Not until we've had cake apparently."

He rose slowly and adjusted his shirt and belt. He ran his fingers through his hair and I envied how beautiful he looked with so small an effort. I took a deep breath before opening the door; we would be entering a room full of future anonymous sources. I hadn't had a chance to ask him about the gossip column.

Alice and Rose met us in the hall.

"Bella, we need to ask you a question about the gifts." Alice had no intention of asking me anything about birthday presents.

"Sure." I waited but she kept her eyes on Edward.

Edward cleared his throat, "I'm going to find Carlisle." The awkward situation still not enough to remove his smile.

"Oh my god, Bella!" Alice barely let him get out of earshot, "What the hell happened back there?"

I didn't know what to say. I barely knew the man and what I did know wasn't exactly reassuring, but there was something. Something just below the surface, my body was drawn to Edward in a way I had never experienced; some part of me could not bear the site of him crumpled in despair on my bedroom floor. After he realized that I hadn't brushed his memory aside, he was devastated but my reaction to him appeared to make him hopeful. Maybe I was wrong about everything. Maybe we did have something meaningful, something real during our time together.

"I think everything might be okay." I was still dazed. Alice looked skeptical. I needed more answers before I told them everything. Right now they just wouldn't understand. I could explain the journal but not without exposing Edward's drug use and my naive stupidity for following him. I also couldn't explain why, even though he was one of the most frustrating people I had ever encountered, deep down I wanted him.

Alice and Rose looked stunned as I walked past them and to the kitchen. I had to refocus on the party, on Tristan. I made sure I had firm hold on the bottom of the cake, I wore a reassuring smile when I carried it to the table that had been set up. Tristan was beaming back at me, his friends a chorus of "ohs" and "ahs" as they looked at the large cake adorned with a ferocious dinosaur. I looked around at the adults in the crowd. The ones I didn't know failed to register. Emmett and Carlisle were both standing just behind the kids, wearing wide grins while watching Tristan take everything in. Alice and Rose were watching him as well, though they were a little more subdued. Jake was nowhere to be found. Then there was Edward. He was standing in the very back away from everyone, watching Tristan with a serious expression.

We all sang Happy Birthday and Tristan blew out his huge number 5 candle. Rose cut the cake and Emmett passed the slices out to each child so they wouldn't be up and running around. Tristan received his piece the first piece and was enjoying it immensely when I saw Edward walk up and whispered something in his ear. Curiosity was eating at me but they were both still smiling. It was amazing how similar they looked when Edward was happy. Tristan nodded and gave Edward a high five. The scattered parents were openly gawking.

Edward seemed to notice them watching as he made his way to me. He took both of my hands and looked around as if to make sure he had everyone's attention before leaning in to whisper, "Come over later, we need to talk."

The moment seemed so surreal I could only nod my assent. He squeezed my hands and placed a light kiss on my lips before walking over to say his goodbyes to Carlisle. I looked around and it was clear everyone had witnessed our exchange. The party had officially turned into a circus, I noticed several parents were tucking their camera phones back into their purses. Thankfully Tristan and the other children were oblivious to it all as they shoveled cake and ice cream into their mouths. Alice, however, was much more observant.

"Do I even dare to ask?" Alice was beside me.

I had decided what I needed to do. "I'm going to his place later."

She raised her eyebrows in disbelief, "What, so you can finish what Rose interrupted?"

"No. I intend to get some answers."

**A/N:** I would like to thank my amazing betas: nise7465 and GracieHartford ; and my wonderful pre-reader: fit2bme. They keep me on track and put up with my choppy first drafts. A link to the _In the Land_ thread on Twilighted(dot)net can be found on my profile page. Thank you for reading, I would love to hear your comments.


	4. Chapter 4: A Gift from Aletheia

**Disclaimer:** Twilight characters and situations belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator.

It was as if a swarm of locusts had swept through my home; small, loud, but adorable locusts and their gossipy parents. Tristan was taking a bubble bath while the rest of us sipped wine and congratulated each other on planning and executing the perfect birthday party. I wasn't foolish enough to think I had been given a pass, I could see their eyes meet from time to time and then dart away when I noticed. I was just waiting to see which of them would cave first; I was betting on Alice.

I was wrong, it was Emmett.

"So, what was all that between you and Edward?" He was sitting in the floor assembling a Hotwheels contraption trying to appear casual.

"We just had a few things that we needed to get out of the way." I took a large gulp of red wine. _Move along Emmett, move along.  
><em>

Alice snorted, "By a few things, she means clothes."

Rose kicked her under the table, Carlisle choked a little, and Emmett put his stack of numbered stickers down and joined us at the table. They were silent as they waited for me to respond, I couldn't look at them much less tell them I had almost had sex at my son's fifth birthday party.

I began twisting a left over paper napkin, "I just wanted to talk to him about trying to get along for Tristan's sake. There was a misunderstanding, and thanks to my sister, master eavesdropper, it was all cleared up. I'm supposed to see him later to talk." I finally met their eyes and saw nothing but questions.

"I would say it was more than a misunderstanding Bella, he was being awful to you." Alice looked appalled by my simple summary.

Carlisle notices my fidgeting hands, "What sort of misunderstanding?" He can always see right through me.

I though carefully of how to word it without making it sound as awful as it was, I wasn't going to mention the custody comment. I felt the need to protect Edward from their collective wrath. "He didn't know that I have no memory of those five months, he thought that I didn't remember him in particular. He was completely surprised when he heard that I didn't remember anything at all." I nodded towards Alice.

"Surprised and devastated," Alice confirmed.

"I think we had some sort of relationship, at least it seems that way." I willed myself not to blush. "I'm going over to his place later, maybe he can fill in some of the missing pieces."

Emmett wasn't convinced. "What if he had something to do with you losing your memory? It could be dangerous."

I thought about my journal entry, how I described his appearance the first time I had seen him; the fact that he seemed high. It was possible that he had done something to me. He could have become violent or given me mind altering drugs. None of that felt right though.

Carlisle finished off his glass. "Finding out what he knows would be a step in the right direction. He certainly didn't seem like he had anything to hide when he left. He looked downright pleasant and that's highly atypical." His words eased the knots in my stomach.

He continued, "But I definitely don't let your guard down. Edward Cullen has an excellent poker face and is accustomed to getting his way. I know that you know how to handle yourself Bella, don't let him intimidate you. Make sure you keep your phone with you and if he makes you the least bit uncomfortable, you call us." He and Emmett exchanged a meaningful look.

Just like that, the knots were back.

I wasn't sure if Tristan's hair was getting closer to Edward's bronze shade by the day or I was just imagining things. I used the towel to dry it as much as I could before helping him into his pajamas. He was fidgeting, eager to play with his new toys.

"Can I have another party next year?" He asked for what seemed like the hundredth time.

I ran the comb through his hair, "I'm sure you can sweetie."

I thought about the moment Edward had whispered in his ear and couldn't contain my curiosity any longer. "What did Edward say before he left?"

"He said he had to leave a little early but he had a great time. He asked if maybe he could take you and me to the park sometime." He looked up at me and seemed to be measuring my reaction.

I smiled reassuringly, "That sounds like fun." He returned the smile before rushing to pickup his new action figures.

"Do you like Edward." I couldn't help myself.

He shrugged as he manipulated the small plastic men, "He seems nice."

It was a start.

After helping Tristan out of the bathtub the evening quieted down considerably. I finally convinced Rose, Emmett, and Alice to go out after we had dinner. I was nervous enough about going to see Edward and I was starting to feel like they were watching me; waiting for me to answer questions I didn't yet have the answers to.

Carlisle was going to stay with Tristan. I had already kissed him goodnight as they were going through his nightly routine. Carlisle was reading to him and as usual, Tristan was interrupting with endless questions in an effort to stretch out their time together. It always worked; Carlisle enjoyed it just as much as Tristan. I stopped while on the way to my own room when I heard them talking. Neither of them noticed and I only felt a little guilty for listening in.

Tristan yawned before asking, "Did you have fun at my party?"

"It was the best party I've ever been to and I've been to a lot."

Carlisle began the story once more only to be stopped again. "Is Edward Mom's boyfriend? She said no but he kissed her, I saw him."

"I think he likes your mother but she would tell you if he was her boyfriend."

I heard Tristan sigh. "Are you sure you can't be her boyfriend?"

"No, Tristan, we're just very good friends. Why are you interested in this boyfriends business all of the sudden?" He chuckled a little.

"If mom gets a boyfriend they'll be in love and get married. Then her boyfriend will be my dad." He sniffed and it took a great deal of effort not to go to him.

Carlisle continued, "I thought you wanted a dad?"

I felt tears in my own eyes as he began to sob. "I do but I don't want you to go away."

"Tristan, I have loved you since before you were even born. Nothing could ever make me go away. Even though I can't be your dad, I will always be here whenever you need me. Okay buddy?"

"Okay... Cawrlisle?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

I wiped at my eyes and made my way quietly down the hall, I didn't want to intrude on their moment. Carlisle was such a blessing and somehow I had forgotten him in all of this. If Tristan was worried about what a man in my life would mean to their relationship, I was sure Carlisle had been worried as well. Of course he hadn't mentioned it, he made a habit out of putting others before himself. I would have to add this to the list of things I needed to discuss with Edward. Carlisle was absolutely right, nothing would keep him from Tristan.

I opened my bedroom closet and removed my journal from the box where it was hidden. I skimmed over the words once more and wondered what it would be like to finally have answers; to know what the mysterious man had been thinking; to find out happened after I went to him in the darkness. I was terrified. I shoved the journal into my bag and left before I could change my mind.

The cab ride was a blur. I waited on the sidewalk, looked up at his house and took a deep breathe. As I moved towards the front door, I was overcome with so many emotions that I wasn't sure what I felt. I raised my hand to ring the bell and jumped when the door opened before I could press the button. Edward opened the door with the most glorious smile on his face. He took both of my hands and pulled me gently inside the door before kicking it closed it behind him. I'm not sure if he pulled me into his embrace or if I moved there myself but the second his arms closed around me. Only one thought echoed in my mind; _finally_.

My next thought, _where was the butler?_ "I wasn't expecting you to answer the door." I slowly pulled away.

"I gave my staff the evening off." He placed a chaste kiss on my forehead before turning to lead me through his home.

"I thought we could talk outside. It won't be long before it gets too cold but its nice up there tonight." His voice was soft and fluid. He was actually willing to talk? His demeanor was completely different. Thoughts of Emmett and Carlisle urging me to be cautious earlier were pushed aside; I wasn't afraid. I would have followed him anywhere.

I nodded as he entered a small elevator that would lead us to the roof. Edward slid the iron grating closed and the elevator started it ascent. My nerves seemed to form a ball in my stomach as his thumb gently stroked my hand. I glanced over at him and it was obvious he was trying not to look at me. I noticed he hadn't changed since leaving the party; the first few buttons of his white short were undone and his hair was a mess. Just as I was about to lean in, the elevator chimed and the door opened.

I gasped when I took in the view. Sometimes, living in this city you forget to look around, you forget how beautiful it is all lit up. The contrast between the park and the skyscrapers was striking, a deep sea of green surrounded by mountains of lights. It was like another world up here. I turned and looked around the garden. There were flowers and beautiful greenery spilling from every corner, I could smell the jasmine and lavender. The only light came from a few candles inside a pergola that was situated in the center of the roof. It was covered by curtains of wispy white fabric, a small table sat in the center with a platter of fruit, cheese and wine. Instead of chairs, it was surrounded by dozens of large fluffy cushions on an incredibly soft looking rug.

"It's so beautiful." I turned to look at him once more.

His eyes seem to burn, "It is now."

"Please, sit." He gestured towards the cushions.

It was even more comfortable than it looked. I waited, expecting him to sit across the table from me. Instead he sat near the corner to my right, facing me; our upper thighs touching. I clutched my bag and tried to remind myself that we needed to talk, at least a little, before anything else happened. He turned and poured two glasses of wine. I quickly took a sip and he smiled as he watched me.

"You said you didn't drink." I realized that I sounded accusing. I put my glass back on the table, "I mean in the Hamptons you said... not that it matters."

He smiled a little before sitting his own glass down, "I don't drink anything stronger than wine and even then, only a few glasses. I certainly don't get intoxicated." He brushed my hair back before stroking my jaw. With one finger he lifted my chin before bringing his lips to mine. "Except by you."

I placed my hand on his chest and pushed him gently away, it took every ounce of willpower I had. "Edward, we need to talk. I have so many questions."

"Of course." He cleared his throat and moved away from me looking very much like a little boy who was just told he couldn't have dessert first. "You can ask me anything, I'll tell you what I can."

I reached into my bag and retrieved my journal. I placed it between us, "This is all I know. I don't even remember writing it. I'm not even sure if you're the man I wrote about."

He smiled as he picked it up, "You wrote in this every day."

He flipped through the pages before stopping on my only entry. I watched his face as he read through it. "Yes, it was me." Except for a few sad smiles he gave nothing else away. When he finished he flipped the pages again, "Where's the rest?" He looked confused as brushed his fingers across the torn edges.

"I don't know what happened. I must have ripped them out." I almost felt guilty about not knowing.

He laid the journal down gently on the table before taking my hands in his, "Tell me what you do remember."

"I remember getting ready to go out on New Year's eve but everything else is gone until I wake up in the hospital. They told me there that I was four months pregnant. Alice and Rose have told me a few things but I can't make sense of them. I think I was waiting for you... I also said I hated you." I looked down at my lap.

I felt his fingers brush under my chin, willing me to look at him. "You didn't dream it", he kissed my cheek. "You're not crazy." He kissed the other cheek and I closed my eyes as relief and desire washed through me.

"I am real." His lips were on mine.

I grasped at his shirt. I felt his tongue tease my lips so I opened to receive him. He brushed his fingers though my hair with one hand and used the other to pull me onto his lap. He slowly slipped away from my lips and brought both of his arms around me. I placed my ear to his chest and listened to his heart, it was beating as fast as my own. I felt so safe there in his embrace as he continued to stroke my hair.

"I'm sorry, I know you want to talk." He whispered and for a moment I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk after all.

But he was right, I needed to know. "Tell me about us," I asked knowing now that there had to have been an "us".

He took a deep breathe, "Where do you want me to start?"

"The beginning." I moved off of his lap and on to another cushion.

He pulled his knees closer and wrapped his arms around them, "It was hard enough telling you the first time you know." He smiled a little but it faded quickly. Edward stood up and walked to the edge of the roof. The cold blue lights of the city took all of the color from his face, he was like a ghost.

"Like I told Tristan, I was lost. When I came back to New York, I had no intention of leaving. My life as I had envisioned it was over; I was here to finish it off. That was the plan. I think I was pretty close too, until you. I was so fucking high and you were so beautiful. I pretended that you were an angel send to save me like George fucking Bailey or something. You didn't know who I was or how much money my family had, I looked like some homeless miscreant." He gazed over the city, deep in thought.

"I thought about you all night after you'd left. I went back to my room and looked at myself in the mirror for the first time in weeks, I didn't recognize myself. I started cleaning up, reminding myself that I promised to play for you. It took forever to shave." He stroked his jaw as if he were reliving the event.

"I could feel the coke leaving my system, I wanted more. I kept telling myself that I had to wait; just until I played. I didn't sleep, I just spent the day pacing back and forth in my room. That night, I went down to the piano and an employee told me it would be unavailable for the night. So many thoughts rushed through my head. I thought about waiting in the lobby and I did for just a little while. Then I convinced myself that you weren't coming. Why would you?"

"I took a cab back to the park hoping to score some more coke. I had given up; somehow it was more painful the second time. I found a dark corner, took my jacket off and laid there on the ground wishing I could just drift away; that it could be that easy"

"The next time I opened my eyes you were there. I was afraid you wouldn't know me without the beard."

"Your eyes..." _How could I ever forget them?_

He turned back to me and the glow of the candles warmed his features; he smiled, "That's what you said, you knew it was me when you saw my eyes. Do you remember?" He looked hopeful and I felt like I monster when a shook my head in response.

"We'll get there." He said, disappointed but hopeful.

He cleared his throat and it took him a moment to continue,"You laid down next to me and covered us both with your coat. You were so warm and soft. I remember this little bit of skin that peeked out from between your shirt and your jeans. Every time the cravings would hit, I would stroke your back and feel that bit of skin and it was enough."

"So when did we...?"

His smile was brilliant, "Make love?"

I nodded, suddenly shy.

"I don't know how long we laid there. I was holding you, stroking your back. It was so peaceful; the rest of the world didn't matter. You raised up on your elbow and began trailing your finger along my face. You asked me for my name and told me yours, you kissed me. It was fire and light and life. I don't think either of us cared where we were, we couldn't be stopped."

He whispered almost to himself, "Once is all it took and I was yours."

Questions began pouring out of me."How long were we actually together? If we were so great together why don't you know what happened to me? Why would I tell my friends I hated you?"

"We were together for a little over a month. We were great together; we shared everything. When you weren't in class you were with me. I told you about my life and my family, all the things that had happened. You told me about your mother and your friends and how you felt invisible. We were the same, you and I. Our bodies, our souls knew it before we did; that's the only answer for it. We knew we were meant for each other."

He walked over and knelt before me, "I bought this house, right across from the park, for you. It was in awful shape but you though it was beautiful. I couldn't deny you anything, not that you ever asked for much." He took my left hand, "Bella, we were going to get married. You had a ring."

It was all too much for me to process.

His jaw tightened as he continued, "I left on February tenth. I had to go to London and you didn't have a passport. When I came back you were gone."

I was stunned. "Did you look for me?"

"I did for a while, I hired a P.I. but we couldn't find any records of a Bella Swan that matched your description. You never told me your name was Marie." He smirked.

"I was convinced that you'd changed your mind; that you didn't want me if I didn't have anything. I should have known better but there was no other explanation." His eyes were fixed on the ceiling now; I wondered what he was thinking.

I broke the silence, "So I may never know what happened."

He looked determined "I did some research while I was waiting for you tonight, it's highly unusual that you don't remember anything from such a large amount of time. The most obvious cause would be an injury but even then a person typically recalls everything up until the incident and you weren't hurt while you were with me. Alice said you were in the hospital? I could have some specialists look at your records."

"There were no signs of an injury. My doctors suggested that I had repressed the memories." I really didn't want to discuss my medical history.

"If that's the case, your memory could still come back. But if it doesn't, we have each other, we have Tristan. We can start over. I'm doing things differently this time; we'll have everything." He was pleading with me.

Edward sounded a lot like me. It had become second nature to push away the questions and he had already given me more answers than I could have hoped for. I felt whole with him. The thought that he had bought a house because I liked it or that I was supposed to marry him was overwhelming but he was right, we were made for each other. We could learn to be together again, maybe even get back what we had before. Tristan would have his father. My bubble wasn't gone, it was simply getting bigger.

"I think I'd like that."

The weight of the evening hit me all at once and I choked back a sob. This was all too much. I had the feelings but none of the memories. It was if I had been robbed, we both had. It was clear that we had loved each other. Could we now, did we still fit outside of the physical? Then there was Tristan, he had been robbed of a father and Edward, the chance to know his son. I needed to know why.

He kissed my tears, "You're not supposed to cry."

His lips were on mine, stoking embers that had been glowing just beneath the surface. He deepened the kiss; I moaned when I felt his soft tongue on mine. I pushed my fingers through his hair before scratching my nails down his back. I found his skin under his shirt but wanted more, blindly I fumbled with those same damn buttons from earlier. He broke our kiss and whispered in my ear, "Let me help you." His voice seemed to move through me like a current, I bit my lip to stifle another moan.

I watched as he sat above me and unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off. I ached to touch him but when I reached out to do so he grabbed my wrists. He took them in one hand and eased them over my head as eased me back onto the cushions. He brought his body down to mine, holding my wrists above me with one hand and stroking my cheek with the other. His nose grazed my jaw, I felt his warm breath on my ear, "You're mine, Bella. You don't have to remember anything else, just know you are mine." I felt lips and tongue and teeth as continued down to my collarbone.

Edward ran his fingers under the edge of my shirt up and eased it up over my head. I felt his tight muscles against me before he moved us gently to one side. In one swift movement, I felt my bra loosen. He eased the cups to the side and began grazing my breasts lightly with his palm. I watched as he leaned in and flicked his tongue over one of my nipples before swirling around it. He gently sucked it between his lips; sucking and teasing it with his tongue as he caressed the other between his finger and thumb.

I rejoiced when he finally began unfastening my jeans. I lifted my hips and he tugged them off, my panties followed immediately. I watched as he stood and removed the rest of his clothes. He was stunning, his muscles hard and tight as he situated his body between my legs. His hand made a path from my knee until he reached my inner thigh. I watched as he kissed, nipped, and licked his way down my leg, stopping only when he reached my center. He looked up at my face, his eyes dark with desire. I felt my muscles clench in anticipation.

I gasped as he ran his tongue over me, my hips lifting involuntarily. He hooked his arm around my hip, his thumb tracing small circles on my abdomen. His tongue began teasing my clit, kissing and gently sucking as I raked my fingers through his hair. He pushed two fingers into me and I groaned; he answered by humming against me. I could feel myself slipping; I wanted to feel him inside of me.

"Please." I gasped, not sure if he would hear me.

His voice was rough, "I want to hear you say my name."

"Edward. Please." I clutched at his shoulders.

He looked up into my eyes as he continued plunging his fingers into me, his thumb now working my clit. "I love watching you come." I heard his breathing become loud and rough as he watched me lose control. His scent was all around me, desire coursing through my veins like fire; his touch both igniting and quenching the flames. I said his name again and again as I came.

When I regained my senses he was stretched over me, resting his weight on his elbow. His forehead rested on mine for just moment as he inhaled deeply as if he hadn't done so in a long time. I felt him hard against my stomach and it caused yet another wave of desire to rip through me. Edward looked into my eyes before kissing me deeply. He groaned into my mouth, "I've missed you." I felt him ease into me slowly and suddenly I was whole. I watched his muscles tense and release as he rocked back and forth, grinding into me. I tilted my hips, inviting him deeper.

In a swift movement, he pulled me into his lap. We were face to face as he used both hands to grip my ass as he thrust into me. A light sheen of sweat was now covering our bodies, deep kisses alternating with small nips as we weighed our need for each other against our need for air. He held me tight against him as I braced my elbows on his shoulders, gripping his hair and meeting his thrusts. I began to tremble as the friction built the sweetest tension throughout my body.

"Open your eyes Bella, I want you to look at me."

I met his eyes for as long as I could before slipping over the edge. When I opened my eyes, I watched Edward as he slowed his pace; his brow furrowed as he pulls me against him, thrusting deep before stilling. He was magnificent.

When he finally opened his eyes, he smiled like he was surprised I was still there. He kissed my nose before easing back and pulling me on top of him. I closed my eyes and listened to the faint sounds of the traffic below as he held me.

"Bella?"

I was trying to stay coherent, "Hmm?"

"I'm sorry." He began rubbing his hand up and down my shoulder.

I turned and caught his hand in mine, stilling his movement and lacing our fingers, "For what?"

"I said horrible things to you and thought even worse. There's no excuse for the way I've treated you."

I stroked his fingers, "You were awful and no, there is no excuse. Do you mind telling me why you thought I was a massive slut? Well, besides the fact that I seem willing to jump you whenever we're alone."

"You were with Carlisle on a business trip and you don't work with him. Then Emmett was pawing you at the lounge. I don't even want to talk about that punk from the club who was hanging on you at Tristan's party." He sounded frustrated.

"How did you know I was at the club with Jake?" _Has he been following me?_

He hesitated, "I had my driver go by your place on my way back from the airport. You just happened to be leaving, so...I may have followed you."

"Have you been stalking me?"

"It's hard for me to stay away from you." He said with sincerity.

"Then don't."

I brought his hand up to my lips and kissed his palm before turning on my stomach to face him. "You were an ass but I don't want to dwell on misunderstandings. I think I can forgive you."

He brushed my hair off my shoulder, "I still hate the idea of you being with anyone else. If any of them are still in your life, it's probably best that I don't know." He tried to smile but his jaw was tense, "You could say I'm the jealous type."

I leaned up and put my arms around him before pulling him into a kiss. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my lips. "Edward, there's never been anyone else. I've never even wanted anyone else this way."

I also knew there was one more issue that needed to be addressed. "There is one thing I'm not so sure I can forgive you for."

"What?" He was genuinely concerned.

"You threatened to take Tristan from me."

He sat up, "Bella, look at me." I raised up to face him.

He took my face in his hands and looked into my eyes, "I would never take a child away from his mother. It was a stupid thing to say. It was torture wanting you so badly and yet having no effect on you whatsoever. I just...I don't know why I said it. You're a wonderful mother." He hesitated, "I'm hoping you can teach me how to be a father."

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><p><strong>AN:** I would like to thank my amazing betas; nise7465, GracieHartford, and my wonderful pre-reader: fit2bme . They call me on my crap, keep the characters in line, and most recently helped me through a minor crisis. They are truly wonderful women and I can't thank them enough. This chapter has been greatly improved due to their input; any mistakes are my own. No really; you can't imagine the crap you'd be reading if they were not willing to wade through it first.

I would also like to thank RoseArcadia; she resurrected a beautiful blinkie and mentioned my story on her blog. The response was huge and I appreciate it.

In the interest of full disclosure, I received a PM from J.I.M today from her account. She has asked that I stop writing In the Land. She states that she has copyrighted In the Land of Milk and Honey as an original work and there will be an ending available sometime in the future.  
>I have a lot of respect and love for the story J.I.M wrote and shared with us. That being said, I know that J.I.M's version will be much different than mine. I also feel that my version will not effect the success of her version in any way. I have read hundreds of versions of Midnight Sun but I would camp out for a copy by Stephanie Meyer. When I decided to write the continuation, I made a commitment to myself to finish it. When I posted the first chapter online , I made a commitment to whoever started reading it, to finish it. That's what I intend to do. I respect the decision of anyone who decides to stop reading due to J.I.M's request.<p>

I also want to thank all of you who have taken time to read this story. Your reviews and alerts make my day. If you've seen the story rec'd somewhere, let me know so I can show my appreciation. As always, let me know what you think.


	5. Chapter 5: A Little Help from Philotes

**Disclaimer:** Twilight characters and situations belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator.

* * *

><p>I tried to be quiet when I arrived back at the condo. Carlisle was stretched out on the sofa, sleeping soundly. I didn't want to wake him but as soon as I clicked the lock back into place he was sitting up and rubbing his eyes.<p>

"Hmm, what time is it?" He ran his fingers through his hair.

I felt a twinge of guilt, "Almost three."

He could tell by my expression that things had gone well. "Do you want to talk about it or wait until the girls grill you in the morning?"

"I don't want to keep you up, you should go back to sleep." I felt bad for keeping him awake but the truth was I could really use his perspective.

With a knowing smile, he moved to the end of the sofa and patted the seat beside him, "Come on, you have something you want to get of your chest."

_How did he always know?_

"It was just so much Carlisle."

I sat beside him and told him almost everything that Edward had told me, except the bits about his drug use and the fact that I had sex with him in a public park within twenty-four hours of meeting him, and of course on the roof a few hours ago. Edward's drug use was his secret and I wouldn't betray his trust and I certainly didn't want to talk to Carlisle about my sex life, it would be mortifying.

I noticed a subtle shift in my feelings as I told him Edward's version of events. At first, I was excited as if I were relaying some fairytale I had been caught up in. I mean, this was strange certainly but also more than I could have hoped for. The fears that I had concerning Tristan's conception were allayed. However, Carlisle's silence and skeptical expression ensured that by the time I had finished, I was less sure of myself.

Carlisle took his time, considering exactly what to say. "Bella, I am glad that you and Edward finally talked about your history and if I'm not mistaken you seem rather satisfied with what you've learned. I don't mean to put a damper on things but, you still have relatively few answers concerning your time away from us."

"True." I felt deflated.

He hesitated before continuing, "I also think you need to be cautious. I have a great deal of respect for Edward Cullen as a business man, but I think it would be a mistake to automatically trust him. I'm not trying to insinuate that he's lying to you but we can't be too careful." He gently took my hand in his. "I know you have avoided anything having to do with that time period out of fear. Your ability to shy away from things that would trigger memories of your past suggests that some part of you must have retained those memories. I think it's time to move past avoidance, especially now that Tristan's father is in the picture. It's more important than ever. Even if there is something traumatic, it would be much better to uncover it willingly than have something unexpected trigger an undesirable response."

I considered what he was saying. If he was right, then some part of me did know everything and had those memories locked away. This only confused me more. What would be so horrible that I would forget all of the wonderful things that Edward had told me happened between us? Carlisle was right though, it was better to face this head on rather than risk a break down in front of my son.

_It's not safe!_

The words echoed in my head and I thought of how many times before I had heeded them. I also knew I couldn't play it safe anymore, everything was out in the open. Edward was back and knew about his son. The only way for me to move forward would be with my eyes wide open. I could only do that if I faced my past.

"I appreciate your honesty Carlisle, and you're right." I pulled my hand away and began to massage my suddenly throbbing temples. "I just wish it didn't matter. I'm tired of being the freak everyone has to look out for; the mental case who lost four months."

Carlisle pulled me into a one arm hug, "Bella, no one thinks you are a freak or mental case. We're just looking out for you, that's not a bad thing."  
>I nodded.<p>

"Now, you need to head to bed. I'm sure the girls will be back bright and early to grill you properly." He smiled.

I returned his hug, "Goodnight, Carlisle. Thanks for staying."

"You're more than welcome, Goodnight."

The night's events and the late hour were weighing on me as I entered my bedroom. As much as I wanted to crawl into bed, I knew if I didn't shower first I would wake up feeling gross. I trudged to my dresser to retrieve comfortable pajamas. I piled them along with a few towels on the vanity and turned on the shower. The warm water was calming my mind as it soothed my muscles. There were so many things to consider and Carlisle made it all seemed too urgent.

Was it so impossible to believe that what Edward had said was true? Sure, I had never thought of myself as someone who would consider marriage so quickly, not after Charlie and Renee. Then again, Edward seems to be tapped in to some impulsive side of me that I never realized I had. I smiled as I massaged body wash over my achy thighs, remembering how I had been with Edward earlier. This was the first time that I had actually felt something beyond physical satisfaction after being with him. It was the first time I felt anything like this for anyone, that I could remember anyway.

I wanted to believe him. There was no other explanation for his abrupt change of heart. I would do whatever Carlisle and the others felt I needed to in order to reassure them that Edward's intentions were pure, but I already felt that they were.

I turned off the water when it started to chill. After toweling off and pulling my hair into a damp ponytail, I climbed into bed. I was exhausted but my mind was drifting back to my last few moments with Edward.

"_You know, I've tried to be understanding and give you the opportunity to make things right but obviously you're just going to avoid the subject." He had called his driver to take me home and was walking me to his front door._

_I was flustered, I had no idea what he was talking about. "What?" I became defensive. "What subject would that be?"_

"_The flowers of course. What did they ever do to you?" He was smiling now. I could get used to his smile._

_I was instantly disarmed. "Oh, that. I am sorry about that. They were beautiful really, I just misjudged the intentions of the sender I'm afraid."_

"_Well that's a shame because I have something else for you but I'm worried what will become of it if I just hand it over." He stopped beside a table in the foyer and nodded toward an expertly wrapped gift box. It had to be the box Angela had seen him bring in._

_I was eager to know what was inside. "I'm sure I can handle it."_

_He stepped forward and embraced me, his fingertip gliding down my spine until his hand cupped me and pulled me closer. "You've shown yourself capable of handling many things," he whispered in my ear "but I've decided to hold on to it just a little longer." He abruptly started towards the door again as I stood there stunned._

_When we were at the car, he stepped in front of the rear door to prevent me from getting in. "It's not fair you know. I've just got you back and you're running off." He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against him, "I insist that you come back tomorrow."_

"_It's Sunday. We all usually get together and have dinner at my place. It would be great if you could come."_

_His brow furrowed, "No, that won't work." His harsh voice took me by surprise. His calm demeanor quickly returned, "It's too soon for me to share you with your friends. You and Tristan come for lunch tomorrow and then we'll go to the park." He brushed his lips against mine, "Maybe I can convince you to have dinner with me instead." He deepened the kiss as he held me even closer so I could feel his arousal hard against me._

I drifted off wondering what excuse would be needed to justify missing Sunday dinner.

I could tell by the light coming through the windows that I had slept longer than I intended. I was used to Tristan waking me as soon as the sun came up. The smell of coffee alerted me to the fact that Carlisle was still here and like the saint he is, decided to watch Tristan while I slept in. As I climbed out of bed my limbs felt stiff and my head had a dull ache that I hoped wouldn't turn into a full blown migraine. I trudged out of bed as I heard Alice and Rose chirping in the kitchen. I realized that I was about to undergo the "grilling" that Carlisle promised so I took my time in the bathroom.

I tried to be stealthy as I hesitated outside of my door, trying to steel myself for the inquisition. Of course Tristan put an end to that real fast.

"Rosie brought doughnuts!" He threw his arms around me as I bent down to kiss his cheek. "She told me to go get you up." He grabbed one of my hands and began dragging me down the hall.

"It's about time." Alice announced as I entered the room. Carlisle winked at me as he sipped his coffee; he hadn't even told them what time I got in.

Rose opened the bakery box and held it out, "Here, get a good dose of sugar in your system and then give us the low-down." Alice was already getting up to pour me a cup of coffee as I plucked a chocolate covered doughnut from the box hoping that it was also filled with vanilla custard, my favorite.

Carlisle slid his chair back, "Hey Tristan, why don't you show me your car set?" He knew it would be best that Tristan no overhear us.

"Oh yeah, they change colors! You get the water, you need hot and cold." Tristan ran back to his room and returned with two cups that came with his set. Carlisle filled them up and then followed Tristan back to his room.  
>I can't help smiling at how natural those two are together. Carlisle had woke up with him, helped him get dressed, and fed him breakfast. He has been the parent all by himself this morning while I slept in. He's the one who should be giving Edward pointers on being a good father.<p>

Alice sat down beside Rose, they weren't even pretending to be patient. Alice started clicking her nails against her cup, "Spill it already."

"Why isn't Emmett here?" I was only partially stalling, it was strange that he wasn't here too.

Rose looked as if she were hiding a smile, "He was planning on coming with us but he didn't want to get out of bed this morning."

"And how exactly would you know how Emmett felt about getting out of bed this morning?" I teased hoping I was right.

Her face lit up, "I may have been there."

"So have you decided to put him out his misery? He really has been pathetic you know." I took a sip of coffee.

"I'm considering it." Rose answered and tried to look more reserved though she wasn't fooling anyone.

Alice was getting antsy, "Quit stalling Bella."

"Patience." Rose gave Alice a look of superiority. " That's why I am the godmother you know, I have patience."

Alice only sneered and I was impressed by her restraint. To prevent any sort of escalation I began recounting the same story I had told Carlisle the night before, still leaving out the drugs but including the amazing sex on the roof. They didn't say a word. However, if telling Carlisle had given me pause, these two were made me feel downright silly. Rose had a sad look of pity on her face. Alice looked as if she were trying to restrain herself until I was finished, I think it was announcing that we had been engaged that proved to be too much for her.

"No! There's just no way Bella." Alice was shaking her head; I had no idea how to reply.

Rose looked sympathetic, "She's right sweetie, none of it makes sense."

"Which part is so hard to believe?" I wasn't sure why their disbelief hurt so much.

Alice leaned back and crossed her arms, "If you were so bleeping happy with this guy, why didn't you tell us about it? Would you really keep getting engaged a secret? From us? I called you several times and you didn't mention him once." She paused to reload, "And even if that part were true, how could he _not _find you? You had your cell phone, he could have called. You were going to school, I am assuming he knew where your room was, if not, there was the Student Records office."

"He hired a private investigator, and I was in the hospital so..." I was lost all over again.

Rose stood up and came to sit beside me. She put her arm around my shoulder, "I am really happy that he has changed his attitude but Alice is right, too much just doesn't add up. Maybe you need to slow things down until we find out more. Tristan is better off not knowing anything if something is really wrong with this guy."

"Tristan and I are supposed to have lunch with him later." I still wanted to believe. Was I really that naive?

Rose drew back a little, "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"What if he's just trying to get to Tristan? He could make you feel all cozy with him and then take your son and leave the country!" Alice chimed in.

Rose looked horrified and I'd had enough, "This is not some Lifetime movie, Alice! I believe him. I don't know why, it just seems right to me."

"But you don't remember?" Rose asked.

It would always hinge on that wouldn't it? "No."

Rose nodded in response and thankfully decided that I'd had enough, she was always worried about pushing me too far. She turned her attention to Alice, "Tell Bella about that guy at the club last night."

"It was awful!" Alice looked uncomfortable for a moment but took her cue from Rose.

Alice related the gory details regarding some poor guy who had the audacity to think they were together because she danced with him once. She could be a bit cold at times but mostly I admired her ability to be so straightforward. Soon after she finished her story, a soaked but smiling Carlisle returned from Tristan's room. His appearance earning a whispered "damn" from Alice who in turn earned a swift elbow from Rose.

Carlisle came to the kitchen to grab a few paper towels, "I'm heading out Bella."

"I'll see you later, thanks for staying last night." I stood up to hug him but thought better of it when I saw how wet his shirt was.

He saw my hesitation and took advantage, wrapping his arms around me as I squealed. "Anytime Bella, anytime."

"Ugh! How did you get so soaked with those two little cups of water?" I couldn't help smiling.

"Well, if you use a spray bottle you can make cool patterns on the cars." He shrugged, "Boys are messy."

Rose stood up from her seat, "I'm going too, you can drop me off?" Carlisle nodded in response.

She put her hand on my shoulder briefly, "You just be careful. We'll see you later."

Alice remained quiet as they left. I was wondering if there was anything she had held in reserve for when we were alone. Fortunately Tristan bounded into the room to say good-bye to everyone and then set his sights on dazzling his Aunt Alice. A quick glance at the clock and I knew I wouldn't have to hold her off long, Edward would be sending a car in thirty minutes.

"Tristan, we're going out soon, are your clothes wet?"

He grinned, "No, Cawrlisle only got my hair a little. Where're we going?"

"Edward invited us to lunch and then we're going over to the park." I tried to sound enthusiastic.

He drew his mouth into a tight line and sighed, "Okay."

"Don't you like Edward?" Alice took the opportunity to butt in. _She is sneaky._

He looked to me and then back to her, "He's nice. I just wanna play with my new stuff."

"You'll have time to play before dinner." I gave Alice my best snooty look before going to get dressed.

I felt giddy as decided on my blue slip dress, casual but pretty. This was the first time I was excited about getting ready to see someone, the nerves due more to excitement than apprehension. I pushed the doubts to the back of my mind. It was true that I had so much more to learn about Edward and our situation but my natural reaction to Alice's inquisition was to defend him. That had to mean something.

Alice poked her head in my bathroom as I was pulling my hair into a loose ponytail. "The front desk just rang, the car is waiting. Oh my god, you're wearing that?"

"You bought it for me." I turned before rolling my eyes to make sure she could see me.

She pursed her lips, "Well I hope you shaved, and I don't mean your legs."

My jaw dropped,"It's not that short, it skims my knees!"

"Just go." I was surprised she was giving up so easily. She walked over for a quick hug, "If you're not back by four I'm calling the police." She looked so worried, like it pained her to let me go. She was just taking care of me like she always has and I even though sometimes it could be a real pain at times, I would always be thankful.

I patted her back, "I'll be fine Alice."

Fifteen minutes later we were at Edward's house. Tristan was amazed when I explained that the whole house was Edward's. The staff was back in full force, "Jeeves" opened the door and ushered us in. Edward greeted us before we walked into the dining room.

"Good afternoon, Bella." He looked at me, noticeably going from head to toe and back again before leaning in to kiss my cheek. "You're killing me here, Ms. Swan. There's a child present for heaven's sake." he whispered before moving to greet Tristan.

He offered his hand and Tristan shook it politely. "Your mother told me that you have quite the palate. The cook made wild mushroom ravioli, but if you don't like it, just say the word and we'll get you something else, okay?"

"Okay." A bright smile crossed his face.

Much to my surprise, Tristan did not let go of Edward's hand; they walked into the dining room together. I followed them both into the room and noticed that there were three place settings at one end of the table. I thought briefly about my first time in this room and marveled at how different it had been. Instead of sitting at opposite ends of a fifteen foot table with nothing but hostility and sexual tension between us, we were sitting together with our son.

The butler wheeled a silver cart into the room and placed our dishes in front of us before serving Edward and I white wine; Tristan was offered a glass of white grape juice which he accepted with a "thank you". We were all quiet for a few minutes as we sampled our food. Mine was delicious and Tristan seemed to be enjoying his as well. When I turned my attention to Edward, he was watching Tristan.

It seemed as though he felt my eyes on him, he turned and smiled softly. "Satisfactory?" he nodded towards my plate with an eager expression.

"It's wonderful. I must admit I was a little worried, I'm not a huge mushroom fan."

His eyes fell a little; I could have sworn he looked disappointed. He recovered quickly, "It was a risk. I'm glad you liked it."

Once Tristan had finished eating, he was adamant about heading over to the park. He knew that's where we were heading and that he had a limited amount of time. After sending him to the bathroom, hoping we wouldn't have to use one in the park, we headed out.

"Wow!" Tristan was excited at the idea of being so close to the park. "Do you go to the park all the time?"

Edward thought for a moment. "I used to. When I was younger, my father brought my brother and I here when he was on a business trip. I wasn't supposed to come but James insisted." He looked wistful, "He loved it here." After a brief pause, he continued, "And of course, your mother and I used to come here quite a bit." He smiled at me.

I didn't know he had a brother. No one had mentioned it, but then again, that wasn't the type of information we had been looking for. Maybe he had other siblings as well.

"You and mom used to play here?" Tristan was stunned.

He winked at me, "As a matter of fact we did."

Tristan practically herded us to the Alice statue; Edward had to hear all about his aunt and her statue. We then decided on the East 72th playground. Edward and I took turns pushing Tristan on the swing until I left them to sit on a nearby bench, he looked terrified. _Sink or swim_. When Tristan hopped of the swings, he grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him to the webbed climbing pyramid. I watched Tristan climb and Edward tug fretfully at his hair. The look of relief on his face when Tristan made it back down was priceless. Of course, as soon as Tristan's feet hit the ground he was off and running. Edward followed with a bewildered grin on his face. They disappeared behind the wooden structure for a bit. I took the opportunity to lean back, close my eyes, and feel the sun on my face. I was a beautiful day. When I reopened them, they were walking back to me.

"Can I get on the tire swing one more time?" Tristan pointed to the nearby tire swing.

Edward sat down beside me, "Sure, but stay where I can see you." I called out since he was already on his way.

I turned my attention to Edward, "You seemed to know what you were doing out there." I couldn't help but tease after seeing how out of his element he was. He was trying though.

"Not at all. I think he's taking pity on me to be honest." He grinned before looking back to Tristan. He moved closer and put his arm around me. "It's still hard to believe that I have a son. It's nothing short of a miracle."

I could feel his eyes move back over me and there was a pull to return his attention. He put his other hand on the hem of my skirt, his thumb rubbing circles just underneath. I couldn't tell whether he was moving closer or if I was going to him. We were close enough that I could feel his breath on my lips; I wanted to ask him why he thought he couldn't have children. I looked over to see Tristan digging in the sand with another little boy before I closed the sliver of distance between us.

It was a gentle kiss, his tongue teasing mine without overpowering. The movement combined with the smooth strokes of his thumb caused everything else to fade away. I ran my hand slowly up his arm trying to find leverage to pull myself back to the surface. He eased away, placing a swift kiss on my lips before resting his forehead on mine.

"Stay." He whispered, his voice rough.

He warned me this was coming last night but I hadn't taken him seriously, "I can't. I still have to cook for everyone." I checked on Tristan again, he had moved back to the tire swing and was spinning in circles.

"I could always make you." His voice had a slight edge as he slid closer to my ear, planting another soft kiss below it.

I inhaled sharply and he met my eyes again, "But I won't." He removed his hand from my thigh and took my hand. He placed a soft kiss on my palm, "I just don't see how it's fair though. I've been without you and my son for five years and still, they keep taking you away from me just as I'm getting you back."

"Oh, you play dirty." I smirked when his feigned innocence was a little too thick to be believable.

He smiled in return, "Is there any other way?"

On the way back we each held one of Tristan's hands as he walked between us. He was talking more than I had seen him in a while, filling Edward in on all the happenings at St. Luke's. I kept smiling down at him only to notice that he was always looking up at Edward. He stopped abruptly when we were a short distance from a few water fountains.

"Edward?" He squinted up at him and I wondered what he was planning to ask.

Edward responded patiently, "Yes?"

"You have the same eyes as me." It wasn't a question and it certainly wasn't anything I was expecting.

It felt as if my heart had stopped beating in the brief moment it took Edward to respond; only his eyes betraying his emotions.

"Yes, I do." He smiled down at Tristan.

"Can I get some water?" He tugged Edward's hand towards the water fountains, unaware of the weight his observation had. How much did he know, was he figuring things out or just being his normal, curious self?

My thoughts were interrupted by an elderly couple walking by. "You have beautiful family." The woman patted me on the shoulder before smiling and continuing on her way.

"Thank you." I smiled at her before looking back to them, Edward was holding Tristan up to the fountain. It's true, they were beautiful...and mine.

Edward was waiting with us while the driver brought the car around. There were a few times that he tugged on my hand, looking very much like a child himself. He really wasn't ready for us to leave and if I was completely honest with myself, I wasn't as enthusiastic about Sunday dinner as I usually was.

I was surprised when the limo pulled up, he had sent a town car to bring us here. The driver came around and opened the door. I gave him a questioning look.

"I know Tristan likes the limo." He shrugged and then turned to Tristan, "You still remember which button opens the roof?"

Tristan's eyes filled with excitement, "Yes!" He then rushed Edward and threw his arms around his waist. Edward was caught off guard but quickly recovered, wrapping his arms around him and returning the hug.

When Tristan finally pulled away, Edward mussed his hair, "I'll see you soon, yeah?"

Tristan nodded and jumped in the backseat of the limo. Edward stepped towards me, I slipped my hands around his waist and rose up to place a chaste kiss on his lips. He was having none of that. His hand was on the small of my back and he drew me closer; his other hand moved lightly over my collarbone before cradling my jaw. He leaned in, his lips ghosting over mine a few times before becoming more firm and seeking entrance. I gave myself completely, the heat from earlier back in full force. I moved my hands up to his hair and enjoyed the feel of it between my fingers. I moaned quietly when he moved away.

"Soon, Bella."

I reluctantly slid into the limo and the driver closed the door behind me. Tristan was up on his knees looking out the opposite window, still in awe that his favorite place in the whole world was right there. I looked out of my own window and Edward was leaning against his door, watching the car with his hands in his pockets. He looked so alone.

I was overcome with a strong sense of anxiety. It was the same feeling I had experienced before, my hand hovered over the door handle as I fought the urge to get out. I was certain I had left something behind, maybe in the dining room. The limo started to move and I took a few deeps breaths as the realization struck me. It was him. All along Edward was what, or rather who, I was leaving behind. Somewhere in my mind, I did remember him. More importantly, that part of me wanted us together.

I sat back and enjoyed the air on my face, Tristan had already opened the sunroof and was pretending he was flying an airplane. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. The day had been perfect, something I could get used to. I had watched my son play with his father in the park, his father who cared for me even after we had been separated for five years. It was clear; so easy to see how I could have fallen in love with him once. I could feel myself on that course again. I pulled Tristan close to me and kissed the top of his head and made the decision that I wasn't going to let Alice or Rose dampen my mood. They were only trying their best to look out for me and I couldn't hold that against them. They would come around, even if it took some time.

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><p><strong>AN:** I would like to thank my amazing betas: nise7465 and GracieHartford; and my wonderful pre-reader: fit2bme. I would also like to thank all of you who have reviewed and PM'ed, I love hearing from you; your support means a lot to me. There have been no other issues with the story so I think everything should be fine from here on out.

As always, let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter 6: Aceso and Phanes

**_Disclaimer:_**_ Twilight characters and situations belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator._

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><p>I was glad I had decided to make a quick spicy beef and vegetable stir fry, that was all I really had time for by the time we got home and I changed clothes. True to her word, Alice was waiting for us when we walked through the door. She was clearly amused, watching me dash around the kitchen trying to get everything ready before everyone arrived. I had asked her to help me chop vegetables but she refused.<p>

"That would be like cooking and I don't cook. Consider it penance for going off with that man when he's clearly lying to you." As if to make up for the harsh comment she quickly added, "I _will _set the table for you."

I began chopping as the oil heated, thankful that the beef had already been cut and trimmed. Tristan was busy playing with the remote control dinosaur that Edward had given him for his birthday. I was pleased that he had remembered to thank him for it when we were having lunch. Edward seemed to pay attention to little details like that; remembering that Tristan liked the zoo and then bringing him the animal set and then recalling that his birthday party had a dinosaur theme and bringing an appropriately matched gift. That attention to detail had probably contributed to his success.

_So why was he so vague when he told you about your past? _

The little voice in my head sounded a lot like my sister. I didn't want to start doubting him, I had no reason to. This was all happening so fast and there was so much I didn't know but he wasn't going to recount every moment in one night. I was sure all the blanks could be filled the next time we got together, all I would have to do is ask. I decided to put it out of my mind for the time being and focus on the task at hand.

Alice was opening the door for everyone just as I was adding the beef and sauce to the vegetables, I was going to make it after all. Rose came swooping into the kitchen, pulling Alice by the hand and backing me into a corner. She was radiant.

"We're officially a couple." She said with a wide grin.

We all came together in a squealing hug. When we calmed down the guys came over to join us with wary faces, clearly afraid that they might still be pulled into our exuberant outburst. I poured the stir fry into a serving dish as Carlisle placed a bottle of Kirin with each place setting. Tristan came running to the table, plunking his remote control on the table and announcing that Spike the dinosaur was sleeping.

"Tristan, did you have fun at the park today?" Rose asked.

His eyes lit up, "It was awesome. Edward has a big house all his own and it's right across from the park and he can go anytime!" Then in a conspiratorial whisper he added, "He said that him and mommy used to play there."

The rush of warmth across my face immediately interrupted my smug look. I tried to focus on my food while the rest of them made small talk. It wasn't long until Tristan asked to be excused and ran off to play once he had my blessing. When I turned my attention back to the group, I was met with three serious faces.

"Rosie told me everything and I have to agree, it sounds fishy. Cullen is not the type of guy to get engaged to someone he's known a month. Hell, I don't remember him staying with one girl for more than a few weeks." Emmett took a long draw from his beer.

I tried to remember my decision to view their concerns as an expression of their love for me but still found my self coming to Edward's defense. "Well I wasn't the type of girl that would disappear for months at a time either. What he said feels right to me, I know that I had feelings for him," I hesitated and looked down at my hands, "I think I do now."

Carlisle reached over and placed one of his hands on my shoulder, "It's okay Bella, I know it's hard for you to hear us questioning something that sounds so positive, especially in light of the scenarios we have already considered concerning your missing time."

"That's just it Carlisle! As far as we know what happened between Edward and I had nothing to do with why I lost my memory. To hold him responsible just because he couldn't reach me after "it" happened is unfair. I am going to find out more, it's just happened so fast. I just need time to sort it all out."

"Well, even if everything he says is true, we still have no idea what happened to you. I think we should hire a private investigator of our own to check into things, see what matches up and what doesn't. Maybe he'll find something now that we have more information to go on." Rose added.

Emmett put a business card down in front of me. "This is who I use for background checks at the business. They have a great reputation with more in depth cases as well."

I looked at the plain white card;

Whitlock & Associates

Jasper Whitlock

212-888-7000

"I've already called. Whitlock is going to work your case himself due to the level of discretion required. I know you've never wanted to go this route before but he can find out exactly what Edward's guy would have found if he looked for you and make sure that he's being up front with you. We can play with Google all day long but the wealthy have a way of keeping things under wraps." He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms, prepared for my arguments.

"Fine." It made me uneasy but if this is what it would take for us all to have some peace then so be it.

Suddenly I remembered Edward mentioning a brother, "Em, Edward mentioned having a brother today. James, I think. Do you know anything about him?"

"I never met him. Edward would mention him from time to time, he was a few years younger. He died a few years back though." He looked up and to the side, thinking. "That's all I know. There wasn't much coverage here, just a blurb really. I guess since Edward was the oldest." He shrugged. "He has a younger sister too, I think."

"Oh." I felt a twinge of sadness knowing that Edward had suffered the loss of a sibling. Just the idea of losing Alice or any one of these people sitting at my table caused me to shudder. I wondered if it was part of the reason Edward was so distraught when we met. I had no idea how to go about asking him that sort of thing.

Emmett took Rose's hand and kissed it before holding it on the table for all of us to see, effectively changing the subject. "So, I guess Rosie shared the news huh? I knew it was just a matter of time before I wore her down with my impeccable charm and good looks." Rose gave him a quick peck on the cheek and I couldn't help smiling.

"Tristan's going to be heartbroken. I'd watch your back if I were you, Emmett." I gestured to Tristan who was playing quietly with action figures.

Carlisle cleared his throat, "He's not the only one you need to worry about."

Emmett's jaw dropped, he looked absolutely stunned. "I'm just kidding!" Carlisle cracked a grin before lifting his beer towards Emmett, "I'm thrilled that I won't have to ignore the goo-goo eyes you two keep trying make behind our backs anymore."

"Hey, we were completely on the down low with all that." Emmett tried to look insulted but was failing miserably thanks to his wide grin.

Alice leaned on her elbows and gave Emmett a sly look, "Blame Rose here. She told us all about your amazing abilities, you know, down...low."

Carlisle choked on his sip of beer. He recovered quickly, "Nope, nope, nope. She's still my sister. Keep all of that," he waved his hands around in the air, "to yourselves."

A few more laughs, Carlisle and Emmett excused themselves to set up the movie and roughhouse with Tristan a bit. Alice and Rose started scrapping our dishes while I stacked them in the dishwasher. Our feminist sensibilities would have been insulted if we didn't have ulterior motives. We couldn't hang out after the guys left tonight, Alice had to be in the studio early to give final approval on fabrics for her spring line. As for Rose, I was almost positive she would be leaving with Emmett.

"So, what finally made you change your mind about Emmett?" I asked as quietly as possible.

She gazed over at him, "He finally called me on my bullshit. When I told him I would probably never be able to have kids, he said he wasn't asking for kids, he was asking for me." She sniffed.

I took a few steps and wrapped my arms around her only to be interrupted by Alice, "Why does she get all the sympathy, what about me? I am doomed to be single."

"Maybe you should throw the list out altogether and just take your chances." I rubbed Rose's back a few times before turning back to my sister.

Alice put a finger on her chin and looked up at the ceilings as if she was really considering what I had said. When she met ours eyes again, she shook her head, "No, I like the list." She made her way over to the living room and we followed.

Emmett pushed play on the movie. Tonight's movie was Kung Fu Panda and we all enjoyed it just as much as Tristan did. When the credits began to roll I noticed that Carlisle was fiddling with his Blackberry which was unusual on Sunday evenings.

"It looks like I need to head out, I have an early meeting in the morning." He looked concerned.

For a brief moment I wondered if Edward had anything to do with it. "Anything wrong?"

"Not anything that I'm aware of, it's just unusual." He tried to reassure me but he still seemed stiff. He seemed to cheer a bit as he leaned down to hug Tristan.

After a few minutes of whispering and giggling, Rose and Emmett did indeed leave together. It was sweet watching them, they seemed so happy together. Alice stuck around a little longer since she only had to walk down the hall. I ran a bath for Tristan while she made some tea. She had a strict "no drinking" policy when she had major decisions to make the next day.

I barely had time to sit down before Alice spoke up, "So you think you have feelings for him?"

"Yes. I know it's strange and it's much too soon, but I do. You think I'm being naive?" I felt like I already knew the answer.

"I do. It wasn't that long ago that you were telling Rose and I how awful he was, how bad he made you feel. Now, somehow, over a mere twenty-four hours you're defending him. You have feelings for him." I was surprised by her demeanor, she wasn't lecturing me. She seems perplexed. "I hope he is all you believe him to be; I really do. I want you to be happy."

I wanted to interrupt her before she said, "But".

"I think I could be. You should have seen them at the park. He was completely awkward but he tried. And Tristan, you should have seen the way Tristan looked at him." I was pleading with her, if Alice would just tell me this that this would all be okay, it would be.

She scrunched her eyes in thought, "So, is this just about Tristan? Are you deciding that Edward is this wonderful, trustworthy guy because you need to give your son a father?" She certainly wasn't making this easy for me.

"That's only part of it, Al. I think I've been drawn to him since I first saw him in the Hamptons. You've always been the one insisting that I know something, that if I dig deep enough I'll remember."

"I just," she tried to interrupt.

I stopped her. "Alice, I think I do remember in some ways." I watched as her mouth hung open in disbelief. "It's hard to explain; I don't have the pictures in my mind or the words; I have the feelings. Whenever he's near me, I want to touch him." My eyes started to water and I tried to focus on my cup. It was such a relief to say all of this out loud. "And when he touches me there is nothing else in the world. Every time I leave him, it's like leaving a piece of my soul." I sniff and wipe at my eyes. "It was so confusing and it scared me that I felt that way when he was being such an ass to me, but it's different now."

Alice walked around the table and sat beside me before pulling my head gently to her shoulder. "I don't mean to bring you down, Bella. I just don't want to see you or Tristan get hurt. I've never heard you talk about anyone this way before and that scares me a little." She put her finger under my chin and lifted my face so she could look me in the eyes, "I promise, if the investigator says he's clear, you'll have my full support but until then I just can't trust him."

"I understand." And I did, I really did.

She pulled me into another hug, "I am rooting for you though." She looked up at the clock, "Crap, I have to go."

"I have to get Tristan out of his bath and ready for bed." We both stood at the same time.

She gave me one last hug before walking to the door, "Love you sis."

"Love you too."

Tristan was quiet when I got him out of the bath. I figured he was just tired, it had been a long weekend and I was just hoping he wouldn't be exhausted in the morning. My concern only increased when I read through an entire story without one interruption.

"Are you feeling okay?" I felt his forehead, it didn't seem warm.

He shrugged, "Yeah, I'm okay." He took a deep breath, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." I tried not to sound worried although I was, clearly something was on his mind.

He started playing with fingers, "Well, I asked Carlisle and he wasn't sure but I think Edward is your boyfriend." He said it all as quickly as he could.

"What makes you think Edward is my boyfriend?" I thought he had a good time with Edward today, I had no idea how I would handle things if this upset him.

He continued to stare at his fingers, "I saw him kiss you at the park and it was a boyfriend kiss."

"How would he feel if he was my boyfriend?" I tried not to hold my breath as I waited for him to answer.

I was relieved when he looked at me with a little grin, "That would be okay, I like him. He was scared a lot when we played and he kept saying "Tristan, you'll fall" but it was still fun. Do you think he likes me too?" His eyes were full of hope and for a moment I wondered if Edward was right; may be Tristan already knew.

"Of course he does! He asked me to bring you over so he could spend time with you. He wants to know all about you." I began stroking his hair as he eased back on his pillow.

He was quiet for a moment. "So, if he's your boyfriend, he could be my dad." It wasn't a question, it was just the way he thought the world worked.

I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him that the handsome, nervous man with the eyes and smile just like his has always been and always would be his father. I held it all in though, I hadn't discussed it with Edward and the others had advised me that it was too soon.

"We'll talk about that more soon, okay? You need to get some sleep." I kissed his forehead before getting up.

He looked disappointed, "Okay."

"Love you baby." I tickled him a little, I wanted him to smile again before he went to sleep.

He giggled and squirmed, "Love you mom."

I kissed his forehead once more before turning off his lamp and leaving the door open, just a crack, the way he liked. As I walked to my own room I noticed how quiet it seemed. It made me feel alone. I tried to shrug it off, I was just used to Rose and Alice staying a little later. I wondered briefly what Edward was doing but pushed that thought aside as well, whether this thing between us was new or simply new again, I didn't want to become obsessive.

I took a shower and decided to read a little before bed, I hadn't had time for that in a while. I had just finished reading the last paragraph of the prologue when I head a soft knock at my door. Alice must have left something, I pushed the sheets off in a hurry and jogged down the hall hoping she wouldn't wake Tristan. I hesitated for just a moment; I was wearing a short, pale pink chemise but I opened the door anyway, it was only Alice.

Except it wasn't Alice.

Edward's hair was damp. He was wearing charcoal gray pants and a black button up shirt and while it was a nice outfit, it looked as if it were thrown together quickly. The cuffs of the shirt were open, a few buttons were left undone, and he wasn't wearing a belt. He was holding the box he has teased me about in the foyer but I found my curiosity over its contents suddenly lacking. I looked into his eyes and felt my breath catch as they took on a dangerous gleam.

Even though my first instinct was to go to him, I took a step backwards. The corner of his mouth lifted with a wicked grin and I knew this was exactly what he wanted. He slowly shut the door behind him and tossed the box to the sofa. I continued to back away as his eyes took in my state of undress. He continued to walk towards me slowly… predatorily…as he unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall to the floor. I was overcome with joy when I finally met the wall, I could go no farther, he would catch me. The desire coursing through me made my knees weak, I placed my palms against the cool surface behind me and leaned back against it.

When he reached me, his fingers danced under the edge of my chemise. The heat of his hand and the cool silk ghosted across my thighs as he leaned in and whispered, "All the way here I imagined how many ways I would take you." He ran a thumb across my lips before leaning in to kiss me.

Gone were the slow, teasing kisses from last night. He cupped my jaw, and nipped my bottom lip before plunging his tongue into my mouth. It was a rough give and take that caused desire to bloom all over me. His other hand massaged my backside before slipping down to my knee; he hooked my leg around his waist and leaned into me. I felt him hard against me and used my heel to pull him closer as I tried to grind against him. He groaned as he moved away from my mouth and began moving down my throat.

"Always so ready for me", he breathed across my ear when he slid his finger between my legs.

I didn't want him to stop, I wanted to give myself over to him completely. _Not yet_. I used one of my last coherent moments, "Not here. Tristan."

He nodded once before firmly grasping my hips and lifting me as I instinctively wrapped both legs around him. As he carried me to my room, I pushed my fingers through his hair as I ran my tongue lightly over his jaw. I heard his foot hit the door before it closed and then he was leaning over me as he eased my body down onto the bed. In one swift movement, he pulled my chemise off as he stood. My eyes felt heavy as I watched him undo his pants and drop them to the floor.

He knelt in the floor in front of me and reached up to kiss me again. It was slower but still intense. His mouth began traveling lower, I looked down to see his lips wrap around my nipple only and met his gaze.

"I tried, Bella." he teased my breasts with his lips, "I can't stay away." He sounded apologetic.

I wanted to tell him that he didn't have to stay away, that I was his, but I couldn't speak. He continued his teasing and tasting until I managed to plead with him, hoping he would understand "I need you, Edward."

He gently pulled me to the edge of the bed and eased my panties off before placing one of my ankles on his shoulder. He stroked my leg before quickly entering me. He caressed my stomach with his open palm, "You're so beautiful."

I watched him as long as I could. He stood above me, his thrusts hard and fast as his thumb traced light circles over my clit. I gripped the sheets when I felt my release building deep within. He slowed his pace and leaned in closer just as I fell apart, moaning loudly.

"Shhh." He brushed his thumb across my lips again but this time I took it into my mouth, lightly sucking. My tongue found a small scar on the pad of his thumb and for some reason it caused me to smile.

He eased my leg off his shoulder and I wrapped both of them around him. Edward pressed his body against mine and slipped his hands under my shoulders, using them to pull me towards him as he pushed harder. His body was slick with a fine layer of sweat, his skin felt smooth under my fingertips. I stroked his back before moving down to his firm ass, feeling it flex and relax as he moved inside me. All of the sensations overwhelmed me as I felt myself coming apart again.

"Only for me, Bella. There will never be anyone else for you." His voice was rough as he continued to move.

As my body recovered, his words evoked a powerful reaction in me. I clasped my hands around his back and reached up, licking and biting at his throat. I felt possessive as I became rougher, my nails gripping his shoulders as I assaulted his mouth.

His breathing became more rapid as I moved to his ear. "No one, Edward. You're mine."

"Fuck." He whispered. I nipped his ear lobe as I felt his body tense and push deep inside me.

After a few moments he picked me up and shifted us up on the bed. We lay on our sides facing each other, he ran his fingers up and down my arm before leaning over to kiss my forehead. I felt at peace looking into his eyes, any doubts that may have picked at the edges of my mind slipped away. No one else understood this feeling. If Edward was the horrible person they thought he may be, certainly he would have triggered some sort of negative reaction, not this.

"What are you thinking?" He rubbed his thumb across my eyebrow.

I was hesitant to tell him, I looked away from his face. "My family thinks I trust you too easily, that things couldn't have happened the way you say they did."

"You mean Alice and Rose?" His brows pulled together.

I traced his shoulder with my finger, "Yes. Emmett and Carlisle too."

"Did they ask you to stop seeing me? I won't let them keep you from me." His eyes became cold, determined. This was the Edward I had been used to for weeks; controlling, demanding.

I wanted him to relax. "They just care about me, Edward. I'm not saying that I agree with them."

"You wouldn't be thinking about it now if you didn't have some doubts." He pressed his lips into a firm line.

I closed the sliver of distance between us so that our bodies were touching. I kissed him lightly on the lips, hoping to ease his sudden tension. "I may have more questions, but I don't have any doubts."

"What do you want to know?" He seemed to relax a little but the way he rolled away from me and onto his back made me feel like he was pulling away. I didn't like it all.

I tried to think of a simple question, one that wouldn't necessarily question what he had already told me, something that would allow us to go back to the way we were a few minutes ago. The other questions could wait. "Why did you think you couldn't have children?"

"I was sick when I was younger." He was staring at the ceiling.

My thoughts went to Tristan and I wondered what kind of illness would have such an effect on a young boy. "What kind of illness?"

"I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma when I was fifteen. It took a while for my parents to accept that something was wrong; it was already at stage two when I was diagnosed." He looked uncomfortable, like it pained him to talk about it.

I didn't know anything about the illness but I had heard similar words before; lymphoma, stage two. It was frightening to consider. "I don't know what any of that means."

"It's a cancer that occurs in the lymphatic system. I was stage two because it had spread to two of my lymph nodes. I was very lucky though, it has a very high cure rate." He still won't look at me.

I placed my hand on his chest and began tracing small circles across the center, "I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Was it the treatment or the illness that impacted your fertility?"

"It was definitely the treatment." He took a deep breath. "I had to undergo eight cycles of BEACOPP. It's the standard course in England for stage two. The side effects are severe, it uses seven different drugs where the standard treatment here only uses four. It has a higher cure rate though." He finally wrapped an arm around me. "It was awful," he chuckled slightly, "A few times I thought they were all _trying_to kill me." His misplaced smile turned into a pained look and he pulled me closer. "The doctors told me that due to my age and the effects of the treatment, it would be unlikely that I would ever have children; a greater than ninety percent chance of infertility they said."

As his words sunk in, my thoughts went to the little boy sleeping in the next room; the one with his face, his eyes, and soon, his hair. I was struck by how lucky I was to have him, this boy Edward was told he would never have. I was amazed by all of the little points that had to come together in order for that precious boy to take his first breath. Edward was right, we were drawn to each other, made for each other.

I straddled him and gently brushed my lips against his, "He is a miracle."

"We're a miracle, Bella." He held both sides of my face as he leaned up and kissed me.

This time when we made love, it was slow and gentle. There was no rush as we explored each other. He murmured quiet promises and I reveled in the feeling of his skin against mine. Afterward he held me tight against him until I yawned.

"I need to go, you need your sleep." His voice was barely a whisper.

I wanted to ask him to stay, I wanted to wake up and see his face, but it was too soon for Tristan to see us like that. He needed more time. "I wish you could stay."

"Soon." He kissed me quickly before getting up and getting dressed. I pulled the sheets up around me and watched him, his body strong and lean, the perfect picture of health.

"Can I ask you another question?" I was almost afraid to ask but I needed to know.

He fastened his pants and sat down on the bed with a sigh, "Yes."

"Are you okay now? I mean, cured?" It was suddenly hard to swallow, the thought of losing him was unbearable.

A smile broke across his face, "Of course. It's been over ten years, I'm considered cured. Aside from a few...lapses in judgment, I have tried to stay as healthy as possible." He leaned over and brushed my hair back before kissing my forehead, "It shouldn't be a problem for Tristan either." I was overcome with relief.

Edward stood and walked out of the room, I guessed that he was going to retrieve his shirt. When he came back, much to my disappointment, he was already wearing it. He looked more put together now than he had when he arrived. His smile was brilliant as he brought one hand from behind his back and placed the mysterious wrapped box on the pillow beside me.

"I know you hate opening gifts in front of people so I'll just leave this here." He grinned. He was absolutely right, I did. I was always worried about my reaction and whether it was the right one. It was strange that he knew so much about me when I couldn't remember sharing any of it and I still knew so little about him.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when he kissed me again. "Good night, Bella. Sweet dreams." As I watched him walk away, I took a deep breath and reassured myself that he would be back.

I heard the front door close and knob turn as he checked the lock. I looked at the gift box on my pillow and tried to make guesses at what could be inside but really, I had no idea. I picked it up and put in on my knees. I pulled on the bow and lifted the lid, trying to drag it out as long as possible, enjoying every second. When I tucked the folded tissue paper out of the way, I gasped.

Inside the box was a familiar fluffy white scarf.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** A bazillion thanks to nise7465, GracieHartford, fit2bme. They have are all incredibly busy but still take the time to make this story readable. They have also read a complete summary of the story and have not run away screaming.

I also want to thank everyone who has been reading, reviewing, and/or alerting. It brightens my day whenever I hear from one of you. Come visit the Twilighted thread and discuss all your thoughts and theories, I post teasers and other random nonsense there. You can also visit my completely underwhelming blog; there is a small spoiler for an upcoming chapter there if you haven't seen it already. Links to both are on my profile page.

As always, let me know what you think. 


	7. Chapter 7: Sisyphus's Little Habit

_**Disclaimer:** Twilight characters and situations belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator._

_I watch him as he walks towards me, naked and unashamed. He hates it when I pull the covers up to my chin but I still do. I don't have his confidence yet but he promises me that I will. He looks at me, his eyes questioning as he lifts a brow, I drop the sheet exposing my naked breasts as I sit in the middle of the bed. His devious grin is a sign of approval. _

_He creeps up the bed, moving like a leopard stalking its prey. He stops in front of me and lifts my chin with a finger, "You're too beautiful to hide from me." He says things like this so often that I am beginning to believe them. I've always known that I'm pretty even if a little plain and I've never had issues with self-esteem but still, he says I'm perfect and it makes me soar. _

_I take in every inch of his body with my eyes as he sits up on his knees before me. He's the first man I have been intimate with and I would have no problem claiming him as the last. He's awakened me in ways I never knew existed with his body and made me whole with his heart. He tells me I own both. _

_The grin leaves his face and he becomes serious again, intense. I see my scarf in his hands and I gasp, wondering what place it has between us now. He leans down and presses his lips to mine, "Trust me." He whispers against my lips and he drags his fingertips down my shoulders and stops at my wrists before bringing them up above my head. _

_I do trust him, but I'm still afraid. He has shown me so much, all of it wonderful and exhilarating; bodies moving like music and singing like stars. He looks into my eyes, I can feel him reading me. I will do whatever he asks and he knows this. He rises and I stare at his still too thin chest, waiting for the firm tug of the scarf against my wrists. _

_Instead, it slides over my wrists and arms, down my back and to my waist. He kneels before me again and tugs me towards him with both ends of the fabric. I smile as my back arches towards him and he whispers playfully in my ear, "I've got you." His mouth covers mine again before he pulls me on top of him._

_The scarf drifts forgotten to the floor. _

I woke up that morning with a smile on my face and a slight throbbing between my thighs. My hands were still tangled in the scarf that Edward gave me, or rather returned to me last night. He had kept it all these years. I still had no memory of the night I wrapped it around his neck but this was physical proof of what I had written in my journal. I brought the material up to my nose, it smelled like him.

I thought about the dream I'd had, how real it seemed compared to the strange imagery I was used to. I considered the details; the hotel room, Edward's too thin physique, his hair slightly longer. I felt a smile break across my face as I sat up quickly; it wasn't a dream.

It was a memory.

I jumped out of bed, bursting with excitement. I wanted to tell someone. I hurried through my shower while replaying the memory over and over again as if I were afraid it would be taken from me. I thought about calling Alice or Rose but quickly changed my mind, they would argue that it changed nothing if they even believed it was a memory at all. Edward. I could ask him. I couldn't help smiling when I thought about how happy he would be that I remembered something.

Tristan was a little overwhelmed by my enthusiasm. The conversation I'd had with Edward concerning his ability to father children combined with the happiness over remembering something I'd lost made me a sniveling yet smiling mess. He watched me with concern as he ate his pancakes and didn't complain about holding my hand all the way to school. My precious boy would never know how truly special he was.

When I walked into Swan Designs, I was practically floating, I was far above cloud nine. Angela was already on the phone which was odd since we weren't technically open for another thirty minutes. On closer inspection, I noticed that all the lines on her phone were lit up. Angela finally noticed me standing there and pressed a button before putting the phone back on the receiver.

"Is there something you need to tell me?" She crossed her arms and wore a small grin.

I was completely confused and took a seat in front of her desk. "Not that I know of." It almost sounded like a question.

She picked up the paper and began to read, "Follow-up: Mr. Cullen shares a private moment with Ms. Swan at her son's birthday party Saturday afternoon." She pushed the paper towards me so I could see the photo that went with the caption she had recited.

"Damn camera phones." I murmured.

Angela leaned forward, placing her elbows on her desk, "If I have to sit here and repeat 'no comment' all day, you at least need to keep a girl happy and spill some details."

"What details?" I grinned like I had no idea what she was asking.

I guess she noticed the extra spring in my step, "You're glowing! You tapped that ass didn't you?"

"Well, I believe he did most of the tapping." I quickly covered my mouth after it slipped out. I noticed that it did feel good to kid around with Angela about it. Alice and Rose were still so unsure of Edward that I wasn't comfortable joking around with them that way; I missed it.

Angela looked at me in mock awe, "You're my hero, Bella Swan." She continued to smile for moment before realizing I wasn't going to discuss measurements and positions. "So, it is 'no comment' right?"

"Yeah, I need to see if I can get in touch with Edward and see how we should handle it." I tried to take the paper with me before Angela smacked at my hand and mouthed the word "mine" as she picked up the phone.

I listened as I walked back to my office, "Swan Designs. Ms. Swan has no comment at this time." I heard the same line three times before closing my door. _Was this really news?_I sat down at my desk before digging my phone out of my bag. I placed it gingerly on the desk, suddenly feeling nervous about calling.

_Quit stalling!_

I picked it up and dialed quickly.

"Good morning, Bella." I could hear the smile in his voice.

I wondered briefly about his morning meeting, "Am I interrupting anything?"

"It can wait."

I took a deep breath, "Have you seen the Post this morning?"

"No, why?" he sounded genuinely curious.

I hoped he wouldn't be angry, after all it had happened at my place. "It seems as if one of the parents at Tristan's party snapped a picture of us together." I paused, waiting for his reaction.

I heard a buzz in the background, "Get me today's Post." He was talking to his assistant.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I wasn't thinking..."

He interrupted me, "Bella, I would come down there right this instant and pose for the front page if you asked."

"I just know you are a private person, I mean you never commented on anything about Kate. Now you've been sort of ambushed with me, I just haven't been considering your position." I knew I was rambling but I couldn't seem to stop myself.

"I am sorry to hear that, I've been considering your positions, frequently." He said in a playful tone.

I couldn't decide whether I was frustrated or flustered, "Edward, I'm serious."

"Look, you're not Kate. I didn't comment on Kate because there was nothing really to comment on. You are _everything_. I don't want everyone prying into my personal life, but as far as you and I are concerned, the more people that know we're together, the better." He sounded sincere.

Were we together? "Isn't it a little soon for all of that?"

"It's just a matter of time, Bella." His voice had calm certainty, "You know since you came back into my life not a day has gone by that you haven't thought about me. When you leave me, it tears at you a little each time. Every time I touch you, you feel whole, like you finally know what it means to really be alive." He hesitated briefly before he whispered, "I know that you know all of these things because I feel the same way."

I didn't know what to say, he was right. It was completely irrational but true. "I know that I care about you, but it's only been a few days for me, Edward. I don't have the memories of us that you do. You know all of these things about me and...I've just met you." I knew as soon as the words left my mouth that he would be hurt by them.

"As I said, all you need is time." His voice was distant, "This is not really a conversation we should have over the phone. Will you come over for dinner this evening?"

We did need to talk more but I also needed a bit of normalcy. "Not tonight, I need to be home with Tristan."

"I'll be there at seven." He didn't give me time to approve before he hung up.

My heart sank, his mood swings were giving me whiplash. He could be so caring and sweet but whenever he didn't get his way he behaved like a child throwing a tantrum. I had wanted to tell him about my memory but instead, all of the excitement I'd felt was replaced with disappointment. That disappointment quickly turned to anger. I picked up the phone and punched the redial button with my finger.

"Yes?" The hint of humor in his voice incited me even further.

I gripped the phone tighter and tried to control my voice, "I wasn't finished talking. You can't keep doing that, just assuming that whatever you decide is what I'll go along with!"

"I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention. I'm not really used to making requests." His voice was genuine. He paused briefly, "May I see you and Tristan this evening?"

I was surprised by his apology, "I think that would be nice, we still have a lot to discuss."

"Of course. What time would you prefer?" The gentleman was back.

"Come over at six, we'll have dinner together."

"I look forward to it. If that is all, I really need to get to my meeting."

"Ah, yes. I'll see you later."

"Goodbye, Bella.

My good mood from earlier returned as I added the feat of making Edward Cullen respond like a courteous human being to the list of my achievements. I was quite pleased with myself as sat down to go over some forms Angela had put on my desk. I spent the next few hours reviewing my itinerary and making plans for the High Point furniture market that took place every year in North Carolina. I was considering taking Tristan next year and penciling in a few changes that needed to be made when I received a text from Rose.

R: Coming over for lunch, K?

I glanced at my watch and was surprised by the time.

B: Sure, see you then.

I walked to the front of the showroom and was glad to see that the phones had quieted. Angela was on her way out to meet Ben for lunch so I took a seat behind her desk. I was surprised when Rose walked in through Alice's side of the building a few minutes later. Alice was with her, both were wearing serious expressions that filled me with a sense of uneasiness. My eyes immediately went to a manila envelope that Rose had tucked under her arm.

Alice sat down across from me while Rose placed the envelope in front of me, "I didn't open it." She crossed her arms and leaned against the desk. I nodded as I ripped it open.

I took a deep breath and looked from Rose to Alice. I wasn't sure why I was hesitating, this would merely be confirmation of what I already knew if there were any matches at all. I smiled at them both, trying to put them and myself at ease before reading the enclosed form. My eyes scanned it briefly looking for either the name Edward Cullen or more likely, something to indicate non-conclusive results.

The first few paragraphs described the various data banks that the company used and the process they followed to make comparisons with submitted samples. Rose had already gone over all of this when she suggested that we begin our search here. The following page went over the results. I found myself reading it over and over. It was simple enough, I understood the information but I couldn't process it. My mind simply refused.

_The sample from the individual, Marcus Gazzarri, cannot be excluded as the biological father. Based on testing results obtained from analyses of 5 different DNA probes, the probability of paternity is 99.9999%. This probability of paternity is calculated by comparing to an untested, unrelated man of the North American Caucasian population (assumes prior probability equals .50). This DNA Parentage Test excluded greater than 99.99% of the male population from the possibility of being the biological father of the tested child._

I crumbled the paper in my hand, "It's not possible." Alice looked confused and Rose stepped forward.

"What does it say?" Rose gently pried the paper from my hands.

I could feel my head shaking as the world began to spin around me, "It has to be wrong. He looks just like him." My voice echoed in my head as I looked at my empty hands hoping that the last few minutes hadn't happened. My heart was beating out of my chest, I felt as if I should run. I needed to escape but there was nowhere to go.

"Son of a bitch, lying bastard!" Though Rose was still next to me I barely heard her.

Alice walked around the desk and took my shaking hands in hers, trying to still them. "What does it say?" She looked to Rose for answers. Rose scooped the now wrinkled papers from the desk and held them out for Alice to see.

"Edward is not Tristan's father. A sample from Marcus Gazzarri obtained from St. Peter's Addiction Recovery was a match." I cringed as Rose repeated the words that wouldn't stop circling around in my head making me dizzy.

I could see the anger marring Rose's features and I wanted to tell her that it wasn't Edward's fault. He believed, as did I, that he was the father. I thought of how amazed I was the night before when I thought of how lucky we were to have Tristan. This changed everything. I would have to tell Edward that we were wrong, I would have to live with knowing that I had failed my son. I promised I would find his father and instead I clung to some fairytale that I wanted to believe instead of waiting for facts.

I could see that Alice and Rose were kneeling in front of me and trying to speak but I couldn't process what they were saying. Who was this Marcus person and under what circumstances did I become pregnant with his child? The questions tumbled through my mind. I believed that I had been with Edward for a time, did I just sleep with some random guy after he left? A wave of nausea washed over me as I considered the alternative. I had always felt so sure that I hadn't been raped but maybe I was simply lying to myself. It was all too much.

A hollow groan erupted from my throat and I broke down into tears. I could barely see Alice and Rose moving around me as they tried to figure out how to help. Alice wrapped her arms around me and made shushing sounds while Rose tapped a few numbers into her phone. I could only make out a few words; but I determined that she had called Carlisle. I heard her heels click against the floor as she took a few steps away as she whispered the sordid details. When she returned, she began rummaging through her bag and brought out a little plastic bottle.

"Alice, get Bella a bottle of water." She leaned down in front of me as Alice walked quickly back to my office. "Bella, you're worrying us okay? I want you to take this, it will help calm you down a little bit." She placed a small white pill in my hand just as Alice returned with water.

I didn't think to ask what she was giving me, I just wanted to escape from the moment and I hoped whatever it was would help me do so. I popped the pill in my mouth and took a huge gulp of water to wash it down. My breathing started to slow as Rose pushed my now damp hair off my face.

"Help me get her back to the sofa, Alice." Rose and Alice slipped their arms under mine and began helping me towards my office.

My thoughts began to slow as the eased me back on the sofa. The questions were still swimming through my head but whenever I tried to focus, they remained just out of reach. Alice stood by my feet as Rose paced back and forth. I wasn't sure how much time had passed when I heard footsteps moving quickly towards us.

I looked up and saw Carlisle and Edward walk in. "What the hell happened?" Edward rushed to my side and I felt the tears begin to swell again.

Rose stood quickly in front of him, "We just found out what a fucking liar you are!" She pushed the DNA results against his chest.

"Rose, we need to stay calm. Bella doesn't need this right now." Carlisle stepped forward and placed a hand on Rose's shoulder.

I watched, unable to speak as Edward read the results. He didn't seem upset in the least. I turned to look at Alice, she was watching him as closely as I was but so far had not said anything. When he was finished, he shoved the crinkled papers into the front pocket of his jacket. My eyes felt heavy as he knelt before me.

"It's okay Bella, it doesn't mean anything." He brushed the pad of his thumb across my cheek before his calm demeanor shifted as he looked into my eyes. He stood quickly and turned to Rose, "What did you give her?" I was surprised by the anger in his voice.

Carlisle stepped between them, "It was just an anti-anxiety pill. Rose believes that Bella was having a panic attack. It's happened before, though it's been a while."

"It's all because of you, you asshole!" Rose peered over Carlisle's shoulder.

I struggled to sit, "S'okay Rose."

Edward turned back to me, his face softer as he stepped in front of me and took my hands. "Let's get you home."

"She's not going anywhere with you. We're not buying the bullshit story you've been telling her, Edward!" Rose was standing right behind him, furious. He kept his eyes on me as she continued, "How could she have been so happy with you, yet she never took the time to call us and share the good news? If you loved her so damn much, how could you leave her so upset that she practically lived on the streets for months?"

I watched as his jaw tightened, the anger in his eyes was frightening as he whipped around to face her. "I could ask you the same thing! I asked Bella to keep our engagement quiet until I informed my family but she was going to tell you and Alice that we were together. But you two; you never gave her a chance! You called, what one time in the month that we were together? Blathering about Paris and what parties you went to and who you met there. You never once asked how she was doing! You just assumed she was the same old Bella, nothing to tell. Hell, if it wasn't for you two leaving her in a club on New Years Eve, we never would have met! I don't owe you any explanations!"

Rose was caught off guard by his rebuttal. She stood there with her mouth open as he continued to take control of the situation. Alice wore a devastated expression, I knew she had always blamed herself for what had happened to me, I was sure she would take his words as confirmation of her guilt. Edward glanced at his watch, "Carlisle, Tristan will be dismissed soon. Would you pick him up and take him for some ice cream or something like that while I take Bella home? I would like to clear this up as soon as possible."

"Sounds good. Is that okay with you, Bella?" Carlisle nodded once and then looked to me, always making sure I had a choice.

They stood there waiting for my answer. I wanted to say no, that none of this was okay. There were still too many unanswered questions wrestling in my head. This meant that Edward wasn't Tristan's father, but did it also mean that he had lied about everything else the way Rose seemed to insinuate? If we were happy together, would this revelation change all of that and make him walk away again? The only thing I really knew what that I was tired of the questions.

"Yes, Edward and I have a lot to talk about." I stood slowly.

Rose was quick to second guess my decision, "Do you really think it's a good idea to go anywhere with him right now?"

"Alice will come with us." Edward looked to Alice.

Alice nodded in agreement, "Rose, you go with Carlisle. Call and let us know when you guys are heading back."

I found it hard to stay awake after we all got situated in the car. I heard Edward direct his driver to stop by his house so he could pick up a few things before taking us back to the condo. I felt myself drift out of consciousness only to be brought back sharply by Alice.

"Holy shit," Alice mumbled. I opened my eyes to see Alice staring up at Edward's house in disbelief.

I was surprised by her reaction, she usually wasn't so easily impressed. "It is nice, isn't it."

She didn't answer. I pulled Edward's suit jacket further under my head and tried to sleep a few more minutes. I hoped I could get rid of the drowsiness by the time we were home. Their muffled voices roused me when Edward returned to the car.

"How long have you lived here, Edward?" It was an odd question, I opened my eyes and saw that Edward felt the same. He looked like it was the most absurd question he had heard and I suppose it was considering the situation.

"I bought it four years ago and had it restored. I rarely stayed here until recently."

I opened my eyes briefly when I heard them go quiet. Alice was deep in thought while Edward was looking at me with concern. He leaned forward and stroked my hair. I tried to offer him a smile before I closed my eyes again.

"Carlisle mentioned that this has happened before?" I could hear the slight edge of worry in Edward's voice.

Alice hesitated, "It did. A lot in the beginning but things have been better since Tristan was born. He changed things."

"I know that none of you have any reason to trust me, but I intend to find out what happened to her after I left. Whoever is responsible will pay dearly." The chill in his voice made me shudder before I drifted off again.

_It was the same dream again but for one exception. Edward was there. He was standing close to Alice and Tristan this time as they shared their deep discussion. He noticed me watching them and walked closer to me as the Alice in Wonderland statue appeared as it always did. Edward hopped up on the statue before turning to face me. His legs were dangling over the side and he knitted his fingers behind his head before leaning back and looking at the sky. _

_"Don't you remember, Bella?" he asked, he eyes closed as the sun warmed his face. I felt a pain in my chest. _

_"I don't think I can," I replied, shaking my head. I noticed that Alice and Tristan had come to join him. Alice leaned against the statute while Tristan crawled up and rested his head on Edward's chest. Edward brought an arm down and wrapped it around our son._

_He offered me a peaceful smile. "You'll know everything when you want to know it." _

I opened my eyes and felt my own bed beneath me. I could tell by the lighting that the sun was setting and I had slept much later than I intended. I sat up much too quickly and felt a sharp pain explode in my head.

"Hey." I squinted and saw Edward sitting in a chair in the corner across from my bed. He had changed out of his suit and was now wearing jeans and a simple blue t-shirt.

I continued to sit there and rub my head. "Where is everyone? Is Tristan home?"

"No. Carlisle and Rose decided to take him to see a movie. Carlisle said they would have dinner after and bring something back for you" he smiled before continuing, "Alice and I have come to an understanding. She went back to her place to make some calls and finish up a few things from the shop." He moved slowly towards the bed. "How are you feeling?"

He sat down next to me and I surprised myself by scooting away slightly. "I'm so confused Edward. You saw the results, you're not Tristan's father." I took a deep breath and looked at the floor as I felt tears coming on again. "This changes everything. Thank God we waited to tell Tristan!" I looked up to see him smiling at me and felt a flash of anger. "Why are you smiling?"

"Bella, I am Tristan's father. I'm sure of it." His peaceful demeanor only increased my unease.

I stood up and walked a few feet away from him, I needed space. "I am tired of all this mystery bullshit, Edward. How can you be his father if the DNA test identified some other man? I need answers!"

"I'm Marcus Gazzarri." He saw my jaw drop and continued quickly. "That's the name _I_used at St. Peter's."

I just shook my head, "That's not enough Edward. You've never said a word about going to a rehab facility or using a fake name. You know so much you aren't telling me and I'm just letting myself get swept away because I want to believe you."

He looked defeated. "I hate secrets, Bella. My whole life has been one secret after another. I never wanted any of that to come between us. I thought I could just keep the worst from you, so you'd never have to see it." He let out a deep sigh, "And here I've done the same damn thing."

A part of me wanted to comfort him but I crossed my arms and stood firm, "Then make it right! Tell me the truth, Edward."

He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment before he began. "By the time we met, I had already given up most of the rights that come from being a Cullen. I signed over my claim to the family titles and estates when I was twenty-one but I still held some land and a few other lucrative investments. Everything else would belong to James and I was fine with that, I never wanted it. Then James died and they expected me to step right back in." He was staring at the floor and I could tell his mind was thousands of miles away.

"Then I met you, Bella. I knew they would never allow us to be together. They had all of these plans. They still didn't want me to have everything but they still needed me for a while."

"When I asked you to marry me, I told you that we needed to keep it quiet until I went home and got things settled with them. I was going to sign away all of my land and any accounts that were funded by any of my family's investments. I had a few of my own. Not nearly as much but we could have lived on those. You assured me that you didn't care about the money at all." He smiled at me briefly before he returned to staring at the floor.

"I arrived in London and explained everything to my parents. My mother was furious. She stormed off and wouldn't see for the rest of my visit. I was only supposed to be gone a few days but my father changed my ticket, he wanted to go over everything, make me see exactly what I would be giving up." He looked up at me, "As if any of it would be worth anything compared to you."

"I knew you would be expecting me so I tried to call. You never answered. I was only a little concerned at first. I was sure you were keeping yourself busy with your schoolwork or maybe Alice had come for a visit. My father could tell I was a little unnerved. He kept telling me that you had disappeared, that you only wanted the status of being with a Cullen; as soon as I said I was signing everything over, I had lost you. I didn't believe him, I just did what he asked so I could come back here to you. I signed all the papers and left just a week later. You can't imagine the sense of relief." He looked up at me then, completely drained it seemed. I felt the pull to go to him but there was still too much I didn't know. I pulled the chair from the corner closer to the bed and sat across from him.

He looked relieved by my gesture but I was anxious to hear more. "Why couldn't you find me, Edward?"

"I went back the Waldorf but the suite was empty, none of your things were there. The concierge told me that you hadn't been staying there for some time. I went to your room at the University and it had been torn apart. I was terrified." He reached out and took my hand, "Either you had left in a hurry, trying to make sure you were gone by the time I returned, or something terrible had happened. I asked the girl across the hall if she had seen you, she said you hadn't been in your room for a while. I went to student services but they wouldn't tell me anything."

"I didn't know what to do. I called my father and asked him to help. He just laughed. He said he warned me, that I should be thanking him because he waited to turn the papers in to our lawyers. I could still be what he wanted me to be despite my stupidity. I demanded that we find you first, anything could have happened. I was afraid, a bit insecure, but I still couldn't believe you would leave me that way. He promised to send Demetri. He's a specialized investigator that the family has on a permanent retainer."

He started to fidget, his fingers tracing quick patterns across mine. "I couldn't stand just waiting, doing nothing. I just knew that no matter the reason you were gone, it wasn't good. I was depressed and I just wanted to feel better. I went to my old dealer's place and just bought a little, you know. Just to get me through until Demetri got there. When Demetri came to the hotel, I was so far gone, Bella. Marcus was with him, one of my father's security team. He was sent to start tailing me since I was back in the Cullen fold again. He took me to St. Peter's and checked me in using his own name so the press wouldn't be alerted."

His movements stilled for a few moments as he hesitated. He took a deep breath before continuing, "Demetri came to visit me two weeks later. He said that he couldn't find anything. He insisted that you left town using another name. I had no reason to doubt him at that point. When I was finished with my treatment, I went home to London. My parents made sure I felt the full force of their disapproval for considering going against their wishes before my father handed over the reins of the company."

He looked up at me then, his eyes weary but full of hope. "I came back to Central Park every year, always in winter. I hoped somehow you'd just be there. I bought that old house and had it restored, I even stayed there a few times. I just couldn't let go I suppose. Then, I saw you with Carlisle and...shocked doesn't even begin to describe it, Bella. I just thought I'd been given a second chance."

"But you never asked me why I left or anything. You didn't even tell me that we knew each other until I pressed you." He seemed to be telling the truth but so much still didn't add up.

He lifted his hand and brushed my cheek, "I was afraid to ask. I didn't want you to disappear again. I thought I could win you back or...just anything. I thought I could just start over."

"I want to believe you." I really did.

He leaned forward and brushed his lips against mine, "I'll do anything to prove it to you."

"I'll need you to take a DNA test." He nodded and started to speak but I cut him off, "We've also hired a private investigator of our own."

His jaw tightened for a moment before relaxing, "That sounds like a good idea actually. I'd like to be involved, if you'd let me."

"Maybe, if you're cleared of all wrong-doing." I couldn't help but smile at how ridiculous I sounded. I knew there was more but for the moment I felt relieved.

He returned my smile before standing and taking both of my hands. "Come on, Tristan will be home soon."

"Wait, there's something else."

He stopped abruptly, his voice concerned. "What is it?"

"Last night, I think I remembered something."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I would like to thank my amazing betas: nise7465 and GracieHartford; and my wonderful pre-reader: fit2bme. I tend to sneak things in right before updating so any mistakes entirely my fault. I would also like to thank all of you who have reviewed and PM'ed. I have been completely awful lately and not replied like I normally do and I apologize. I intend to do better from here on out.

Let me know what you think.


	8. Chapter 8: In the Hands of Soteria

_"I'll need you to take a DNA test." He nodded and started to speak but I cut him off, "We've also hired a private investigator of our own."_

_His jaw tightened for a moment before relaxing, "That sounds like a good idea actually. I'd like to be involved, if you'd let me."_

_"Maybe, if you're cleared of all wrong-doing." I couldn't help but smile at how ridiculous I sounded. I knew there was more but for the moment I felt relieved._

_He returned my smile before standing and taking both of my hands. "Come on, Tristan will be home soon."_

_"Wait, there's something else."_

_He stopped abruptly, his voice concerned. "What is it?"_

_"Last night, I think I remembered something."_

I probably should have waited until we would have more time alone before telling Edward about my memory but I just couldn't keep it to myself any longer. I was relieved that the tension between us had eased. I couldn't help the wide smile that broke across my face as he took my hands and sat back down on the bed.

"Tell me." His eyes were wide and eager.

I felt shy suddenly, "Well, it was the scarf I think."

"I kept it. I couldn't look at it for a long time...but I kept it." His finger brushed my chin as he urged me to look into his eyes, "What was it?"

I searched his eyes, measuring the similarities between the face in the memory and the one before me. "You were so thin and your hair was a little longer." I brushed his hair behind his ear, "We were making love."

As I moved closer, easing myself onto his lap, I considered what I was about to tell him. This was a chance for me to see if he would tell me the truth, if I could trust what he was telling me about our past or if he'd just go along with what he thought I wanted to hear. With just a twinge of guilt, I leaned forward and kissed his earlobe.

"You used the scarf to tie my wrists." I whispered, it felt like my heart was beating out of my chest.

He tensed immediately. He hands circled my arms as he pulled away from me, "No, you're not comfortable with that. I wouldn't..." He shook his head.

"I know." I was smiling again.

His brows were furrowed in confusion before he understood. "Testing me?"

I nodded and his smile matched my own. I circled his waist with my arms and pulled him to me. "I've got you," I whispered against his lips.

Edward held me tight against him as the kiss became more intense, both of us reliving a moment in the past. This kiss was different; there was no frenzied rush of desperation. Instead, there was certainty. He inhaled deeply and moved his forehead to rest against mine.

The quiet moment was brief.

"Mom! Where are you?"

Edward gently squeezed my hand as Tristan's voice echoed through the hall. A feeling of peace and wholeness washed over me like a tangible thing.

Carlisle didn't stay, he dropped Tristan off and handed me a bag of take-out before leaving. Edward took the bag to the kitchen while I ran Tristan's bath. Tristan was rambling about the movie in between yawns.

"You can't stay in too long tonight, kiddo."

"Mom? Mom!" He yelled quickly as I walked out of the room.

I stepped back in, "Yeah?"

"Is Edward staying?" He sloshed around.

I leaned against the doorpost, "For just a little while, maybe. Why?"

"I want to tell him about the movie." He grinned, his bottle green eyes tired but bright.

I nodded, "Just yell when you're ready, I'm sure he'll still be here."

O

Tristan talked Edward into staying until he went to bed and I managed to talk him into staying until I went to bed. Fortunately, he decided of his own free will to stay long enough to wake me the next morning. I had been too distracted to set my alarm.

Tristan was quiet on the way to school but clearly excited about something. He hummed, giggled, and even skipped a few times. I fought the urge to ask him about it. I had learned that he would tell me when he was ready, until then, any questions would be met with shrugged shoulders and frustrated grunts. Still, seeing him happy made me happy.

I had expected to hear from Alice or Rose the night before. Rose was probably still angry but I was amazed that Alice had been able to reign in her curiosity. I wasn't surprised to see her in my office when I arrived.

"Do you have a few minutes?" She was sitting behind my desk.

I raised an eyebrow and pointed to the sofa opposite my desk. She rolled her eyes before rising and clicking across the room. When she had settled herself on the cushion with irritable "hmmph", I sat down and folded my hands on my desk.

"So, what's up?" I was feeling rather cheerful.

Alice shifted her attitude from annoyance to concern, "Are you okay?"

"It was a shock but Edward cleared it up." I couldn't help smiling. "We're supposed to have another test done in a few days."

She looked down as she fidgeted with her hands, "I need to tell you something."

"Okay." I was worried for a moment; I'd had about as many revelations as I could stand lately.

Alice took a few moments before she spoke, "It's about Edward, or really, it's about his house."

"What does that have to do with anything?" I briefly remembered her strange reaction when he had stopped there yesterday.

"It's where I found you Bella," She whispered, her eyes searching the floor.

I didn't know how to respond. I knew I should be surprised, but I wasn't. I didn't remember it, but it felt right somehow.

She waited a few moments before continuing. "I didn't even think the place was important. I just thought it was some shack you were squatting in. If I had, I don't know, just kept looking or waited; maybe we would have found him and everything could have been different."

"Did you tell him?" Edward had said that they talked, but he didn't mention anything about his house.

She shook her head, "No, I wanted to tell you first." I could see that she was still replaying the what-ifs in her head.

"Alice, you did the best you could. All of you did. I didn't exactly give you much to go on."

Alice sniffed a little before leaning back into the cushion, "I know."

"Edward said that you two talked, that you'd come to an understanding."

She smiled softly at this, "We did."

"And?" I waved my hands around.

Her smile widened, "It was private."

"Mary Alice Swan!"

"Fine." She hesitated a moment, her eyes going back to her manicured nails. "I asked him about the time you spent with him, the time you don't remember. He knew things that you wouldn't have just told some random guy." She dropped her hands to look at me again. "I know where he asked you to marry him. I promised I wouldn't say anything; and I won't. He wants you to remember on your own."

I fought the urge to pressure her for more and tried to suppress the tone of disbelief. "So, you believe him now?"

"I do." She stood and quickly moved to the chair directly in front of my desk. "It wasn't what he said or what he knew. It was in his eyes. When he talked about the two of you, his eyes lit up from the inside. It was like he was reliving everything." She inhaled deeply and offered me a sweet smile before sitting back in the chair.

I shook my head and flipped open my laptop with the hope of actually getting some work done. "You sound like quite the romantic all of a sudden."

"Maybe, but you know what I'm talking about. That look; the little light from the inside that shines whenever he looks at you. It's the same way with Emmett and Rose." She looked down at her hands, "I would toss the list completely for a man that looked at me like that."

Alice stood up quickly and slapped my laptop shut, just like she used to when I was in the middle of my homework. "Well, I need to head back to the shop. Try to get done some work done today, will ya?"

"Out." I grinned at her while I pointed at the door.

I heard her laughing after the door closed while I sat there, not so patiently waiting for the laptop to power up again.

O

The next few weeks were a blur. I still wasn't sure what Edward had said to Carlisle to win him over, but he had clearly decided that his intentions were pure. Rose still hadn't come around, but their interactions had improved, somewhat. They went from avoiding each other completely to grunts of acknowledgment if they accidentally crossed paths. Emmett lived for those moments; he began creating reasons to throw the two of them together whenever possible just to watch the resulting moments of awkwardness. It took them exactly four days to realize what he was doing; it was Edward's good humored response that finally won Emmett over.

I also had my first meeting with Jasper Whitlock, the owner of Whitlock and Associates. He had requested to speak with each of us separately in order to get a clear account of what had happened from each of our perspectives. I was nervous at first; the office was a bit stuffy and intimidating with dark paneled walls and heavy wooden furniture that had clearly been polished recently. Mr. Whitlock put me at ease. In simple jeans and a blue button up he seemed as out-of-place as I felt. After shaking my hand he flipped his shaggy honey blond hair out of his eyes and took a seat behind his desk.

After a few moments, I felt like I was discussing my life with a psychologist instead of a private investigator. I told him everything I remembered. He asked very few questions but took several pages of notes. I had thought about giving him my journal or at least telling him what it said but I was hesitant. I already knew that man I wrote about was Edward, aside from that, there was nothing to learn from it.

I left his office feeling lighter for having recounted my story, yet again, but this time to someone who didn't walk on eggshells or look at me like I was going to break down. He also didn't act like I was hiding anything like I had anticipated he would. I suppose hiring someone to find something you wanted to remain hidden would be a bit nonsensical.

The next day Edward and I went for the second DNA test. The local lab was so straightforward and business like that it didn't occur to me to be nervous. There were however, a few surprises when the results came in.

I met Edward at his office. I walked through the door and he immediately handed me two envelopes. One, still sealed, that confirmed that he was Tristan's father and the other, paperwork to revise Tristan's birth certificate. All that was needed was my signature and it was ready to be filed. I only hesitated for a moment; one stroke of the pen and I would be sharing my parental responsibilities, and more importantly parental rights, with another person.

It only took one look at Edward's face, full of hope and possibility and I signed.

"This will be a matter of public record soon. We need to discuss security." Edward's voice was all business as he placed the documents back into his briefcase.

It was not the response I was expecting. "What kind of security? Why?"

"For Tristan." He turned and leaned against the table before crossing his arms. "It's just a precautionary measure. I have a security team that accompanies me almost anywhere that I am scheduled to be."

I remembered the men in black, "I haven't seen them with you lately."

"As I said, only when my schedule is readily known." His whole body tensed, I could tell he was hoping to avoid this conversion.

I matched his stance. I was going to need a better explanation if he was planning to disrupt Tristan's routine. "Why would a five year old need security? I mean, big guys in suits following us to school? That might scare him. What about the other kids?"

"To hell with the other kids, Bella!" He shouted before pacing across the room. "Someone could take him...because of me or my family. Because they know we could pay a ransom or maybe they just don't like some decision I made and they want me to pay." He stopped and turned towards me, his fists clenched, "I won't let that happen."

I stood there in disbelief; I had never considered the possibility. "How would it work? I don't want him to be afraid."

"I'll put Aro on it." Edward walked back to me and put his hands on my shoulders. "He's very discreet; you'll never know he's there."

This didn't put me at ease one bit, "That just seems a little creepy, Edward."

"Not like that." He smirked, "He'll keep his distance when you walk Tristan to and from school. We'll let him know of any other events that he'll be needed for." His hands moved up and down my arms. "I've known Aro all my life, I trust him."

I tried to be reassured by his words. "When can I meet him?"

"He'll be up in..." he glanced at his watch, "five minutes."

His mood brightened with my agreement to meet with Aro. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I felt the tension leave his body in a deep exhale as he brought his head to rest against mine. I was getting used to this; the quick shifts in Edward's demeanor; the way he expressed his anxiety over almost anything through not so subtle displays of control. The cold, heartless businessman that I was once intimidated by was no longer there; just a man trying to hold on the things he cared about most.

Aro was younger than I expected. He was in his early twenties when he began working for the Cullen family so he was now in his early fifties but could easily pass for mid-forties. He wasn't a huge, burly bodyguard; instead he was tall and thin. My first impression when he took my hand was that he reminded me of a snake; his lithe body and near-black eyes always seemed to be moving, always aware. But then he looked at Edward, his entire countenance changed. It was a look full of love and pride. It reminded me of the way Carlisle looked at Tristan and I couldn't help smiling at the thought of this man being charmed by a similar little boy.

Edward spent a few moments explaining exactly what we needed from Aro, the interaction was more professional than what seemed necessary and I knew it was for my benefit. I was assured that Aro would be waiting for us outside of my building in the morning and that he would make every effort to be discreet.

A few days later, we were discussing Tristan's plans for Halloween. Edward was appalled by my suggestion that we go trick-or-treating. I didn't give a damn what his concerns were, it was a tradition and I was not going to give it up because Mr. English Aristocrat was being paranoid.

"Are you trying to drive me insane?" He pulled and tugged at his hair. Aro observed this gesture with a slight grin, he had no doubt seen it often.

I couldn't understand why he was so concerned, "We go every year. Plus, Aro can come with us right?"

"Well, yes but it will be crowded; kids in costumes everywhere. There could be a lot of confusion." He paused, his brows drawn together in thought.

After a moment he picked up his phone and began clicking away, "I'm sure we can work something out. So, what is he going to dress up as this year?"

"Spiderman." I smiled, satisfied with my victory. It faltered a bit when Edward placed his phone back on his desk just before Aro removed his from his jacket pocket. I assured myself that he could be reading a text from anyone.

O

Halloween turned out to be a busy day. After I walked a very excited Tristan to school, I had to hurry to the office to meet with Mr. Whitlock. He was coming to my office so that everyone could be there to hear what he had found so far. The office would also provide some protection against being noticed by the press; we hadn't had too many problems with photographers so far but there were always a few here and there. A visit to a private investigator's office would certainly draw more.

Edward and Alice were already waiting for me; Emmett, Rose and Carlisle arrived a few minutes after. The uncertainly over what we were about to learn put everyone on edge. I may have actually startled a bit when Angela knocked on the door before letting Mr. Whitlock in.

He put us all at ease quickly, asking us to call him Jasper and making polite small talk as he unpacked a few documents and a small notebook. When he finally had everything arranged as he wanted, he asked us to sit. "I have been reviewing the preliminary information and I must say I'm surprised you needed my services at all."

He opened a folder and pushed it towards me, "Jane Doe, matching your description, collapsed on the street and was brought to the emergency room with head injuries on February 16. I spoke with the attending physician this morning. Dr. Malori stated that the female she treated had most likely been attacked. There were multiple bruises and abrasions, blunt trauma to the head and a probable concussion, no signs of sexual assault. The doctor said that the female would not say what had happened and became agitated when she was informed that the police would be taking a statement. Malori was with another patient when a nurse informed her that the female had calmed down and asked for pain medication. When they returned to the bed, the female was gone."

"I showed her this photo," He pushed a copy of my high school graduation picture towards me, "She was positive that this was the female she treated."

He looked at me expectantly. My mind was blank as I looked around the room; everyone was on edge, all of them waiting for me to say something. If the doctor had said it was me, I didn't doubt her. It simply made no difference; I still had no memory of the incident. Of course, if I had a head injury, it would explain my memory loss.

"I suppose that's it then?" It all seemed anti-climatic after all of these years.

Jasper shook his head, "Well, no. If anything there are more questions. According to Edward and your university records, you are accounted for until February 14. That means that this event, the head injury, occurred sometime between classes on February 14 and when you showed up at the hospital on February 16. You then disappear again until Alice found you on March 29." He rubbed his hand against his jaw, "It will be difficult to determine exactly what happened but I'm still looking, this is just a preliminary report. The important thing is, you were clearly attacked. Now, we can't say for sure that it was a stranger or someone who set out to do you harm."

I felt Edward's arm tighten around me as Jasper continued, "I don't mean to be presumptuous, Mr. Cullen, but you are aware that most of the information I collected should have been far easier for your own investigator to acquire."

"I was not aware of that, no. I wasn't really...available when he was looking into Bella's whereabouts. I trusted that he would be honest with me." Edward's voice trailed off as a he realized that his assumptions were wrong.

Rose brought him back to the conversation immediately, "How do we know for sure that Edward wasn't involved? He was with Bella all of that time; it was his investigator who found nothing." She turned a bit to look directly at Edward, "He was in a rehab facility, right? There's no telling what he may have done to her."

Jasper flipped through a few pages before answering. "Edward was on a flight to London on February 10 and arrived on time. Bella's attendance record at the university has her present until the 14th. His return flight was three days after she was seen in the emergency room. He stayed at the Waldorf until two men employed by Edward Cullen Sr. checked him out and transported him to St. Peter's Rehabilitation facility. Mr. Cullen received inpatient services for 30 days and had a return flight to London scheduled the same day he checked out of St. Peters. He was on that flight."

"But he hired an investigator; they should have found her!" Rose was on the edge of her seat.

Jasper rose to leave, "I'm sorry Ms. Hale but there is no reason to suspect Mr. Cullen of any wrong-doing. He was not in the country at the time of Bella's assault. As for the investigator, I am not here to attest to anyone's competence." He turned to me, "Ms. Swan, I'll get back with you as soon I receive more information. The most important thing for you is to be cautious. You could have been attacked by a random mugger, someone with a grudge against you, or someone who was upset by your associations with Mr. Cullen. Being that your relationship is becoming a bit more public this time around, I would be mindful of my surroundings."

"Thank you, Jasper." I stood to walk him to the front, Alice beat me to it.

She edged in front of me, "I'll walk you out."

I stepped out of my office and watched them make their way to the front.

"Emmett said you were from Texas." Alice asked rather loudly.

He glanced down at her briefly, "I am."

"I thought you would have an accent or something. You know, golly gee ma'am and all that." She put her hands on her hips as if she were challenging him, a typical move for her when she was trying to flirt.

Jasper studied her for a moment before replying, "It's a state, not an episode of Hee-Haw." He dismissed her as he pulled the front door open and walked out.

I dodged back into my office before she noticed I had seen.

When I turned and faced everyone, it was clear that I had interrupted an argument. Emmett had a hand on Rose's shoulder that matched the one Carlisle had placed on Edward's. Rose shrugged Emmett's hand away and crossed her arms. So much for quiet acceptance.

"I'm sorry Bella, but there's no way he couldn't have known his investigator was feeding him a load of shit!" Rose pointed a finger in Edward's direction.

Carlisle moved away from Edward and shifted towards his sister, "Rose, Edward did the best he could, just like we all did. We could have easily looked harder or hired someone sooner."

I decided to chime in, "I didn't want to know, not really." I was surprised by the words when they left my mouth; had I ever admitted that before?

"Let's just move on." I continued, "As far as we can tell, I was mugged on the streets of New York. I mean, I love this city as much as the next person but it's been known to happen. As for my memory, I suffered a head injury. Maybe I'll get some of it back, maybe not. I just want to move past it."

I noticed tears forming in Rose's eyes. I moved to her and put my hands on her shoulders, "We have come too far and have too much to be thankful for. We can't keep getting sucked back into the past. I'm okay, Tristan has his father..." I turned my head to look at Edward, "a father who loves him. You have Emmett. We have to move on." She sniffed as I embraced her. I felt her arms wrap around me as the door clicked open again.

"What did I miss?" Alice asked before stopping abruptly.

Edward was the first to speak, "We're just a little upset that we didn't do more." He leaned back on my desk before addressing Rose. "Rose, I know that you care about Bella. I know that's why you always give me such a hard time. I wish I could have been with her, but I am grateful that she's had you and Alice to help her through everything."

He moved closer to Rose; I stepped aside as he took one of her hands, "I also know that you're the reason that I have my son and I can never thank you enough for that." He squeezed her hand as the tears fell on her cheek. "I'm not going to argue with you anymore, Rose."

My jaw dropped as Rose pulled Edward into an embrace and she fell apart in his arms. I looked at Emmett who mirrored my surprised expression. We looked to Carlisle who just shrugged. After a few moments, Rose pulled back, sniffing and wiping at her eyes.

"We should go." She walked over to Emmett and took his hand.

He gave her a proud smile before nudging my shoulder with his fist, "See ya later, little mama."

"Yeah, I'm going to head out too. Will you be in today, Edward?" Carlisle waited by the door.

Edward's eyes were a bit wide and could tell he felt a bit overwhelmed, "Uh, yeah. After lunch, okay."

They all began milling out of the room, except for Alice. She had plopped down on my sofa.

"Well I never thought I see that happen." She gestured towards Rose before addressing Edward, "I'm assuming you have all sorts of security in place."

He nodded in response.

She leaned further into the cushions as her lips curved into a slight smile. "So, what do you know about Jasper Whitlock?" She twisted her necklace with her fingers as she stared at the ceiling.

Rose stepped back in, "Alice?"

"What?" Alice sat up, looked rather annoyed.

Rose scrunched her eyebrows, "Come on, Emmett knows more about Jasper than they do."

Alice sighed before she hopped up and gave me a tight hug.

I went the door, "You guys will be over for trick-or-treating tonight, right?"

I heard various versions of "yes" before the made their way towards the front. I shut the door behind me. Edward had moved to the sofa; his elbows were resting on his knees, his hands covering his face. I had no idea why he would be upset, I thought things were turning out better than we had expected.

"What's wrong?" I sat down beside him and ran my hand up and down his back, enjoying the way he felt beneath my fingers.

He peeked at me from beneath his fingers, "Something is off here, Bella." His knee began to bounce and I could feel his muscles begin to tense.

"It's fine."

"Nothing's fine!" He stood up abruptly and began to pace. "Don't you see(?)! Demetri should have found you. He can find fucking anything, Bella, so why wouldn't he be able to find you?"

I didn't have an answer, "I don't know. It doesn't matter; we've found each other now."

"It doesn't matter?" He was yelling now. "I missed the birth of my son, five years of his life! I missed you! Of course, it fucking matters!"

"That's not what I meant. It's just that we can't change it now." I moved toward him slowly, it was like trying to corner a wild animal. "I'm sure he did the best he could."

"The best..." He shook his head, "It's my parents, Bella. They paid him! They didn't want me to find you, so they fucking paid him!"

I could tell that if he were anywhere else, not surrounded by my furniture and Tristan's toys, he would have been tearing the place apart. His fists were shaking when I took both of them in my hands.

"It's going to be okay." I brought his hand up and kissed his knuckles. "They didn't know."

He closed his eyes, the anger was still there but the trembling had stopped. He reached out and pulled me to him. "I don't care what they knew," his voice was calm, too calm.

He kissed my forehead, "They'll pay for this, Bella."

His quiet composure made me thank God that his parents were thousands of miles away.

A/N:

I know its been a long time. RL has been a pain but I'm positive many of you are dealing with a lot worse so I'm not going to bore you with the details. Thank all of you who have checked in with me and sent encouragement my way, it really helps. It has been suggested that I finish the rest of the story and then post it all at once but I just don't want to do it that way. It wouldn't be fair to those who want to read the story as it updates. Those who want to wait until it's finished can just ...wait. I do plan to update more regularly now that the kids are in school and I can string together a few thoughts together without being interrupted to pour kool-aid or make PB&Js. Of course, we know what can happen to plans sometimes but I am do the very best I can. I am on the twitter now, I may throw out teasers or other random nonsense from time to time.

As always, much thanks and love go to my beta, nise and prereader; fit2beme. They find all kinds of mistakes and urge me to fix them. Any mistakes are due to my compulsion to keep tinkering with the chapter until seconds before I post it on ffnet. Graciehartford had to quit working with this story after the last chapter was posted. She was fantastic to work with and I wish her all the best in the world.


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